thursday thirteen (five): week 20 on a friday

thirteen things that are fucking hard about being a mom, even after almost 8 years

1) seeing them experience humiliation/shame. this is more difficult for me to endure than pain or sadness or grief or anger or any other emotion that is ALSO hard to deal with. is this just me? maybe it's that shame conveys such finality; it cannot be redone or gotten over or re-framed easily. sadness and anger fade over time and you wonder how your feelings were ever so intense. shame swells up with the same vigor, even years later.

2) barf. i've never been a believer that i'll "feel better after i throw up." i can count on two hands how many times i've thrown up in (almost) thirty years. i avoid it at any cost. i threw up not one time during chemo. and i've cried every time that I have vomited. i've become convinced that i'm not going to live to see the end of a bad stomach flu. i've begged to be killed from the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. unfortunately, my strong stomach has not extended to my daughter. she's a champion barfer with an approximately 80% hit-the-toilet/bowl success rate. and yet, i become a homicidal when my children throw up. thankfully it's typically at rory (who is not present on these occasions) has perhaps received 3AM texts along the lines "you mother-fucking-asshole-dickbag who impregnated me with these demon monsters from hell. you are so goddamn lucky you aren't here to clean this up but fuck you, you can be awake to feel my pain."

3) tangly hair that leads to moaning during hygiene assaults. i have no patience for it. i'm sorry, i myself have a tough scalp and don't yelp like a whipped puppy as i brush my own hair. neither of you hellions should either.

4) following through on withdrawn privileges in the face of a hysterical 5 year old boy who is saying "i'm so sorry mama. i'll never do it again! i'm so sorry! you are the best mama ever! i'm SO sorry! please don't take away my barbies!"

5) seeing other children be mean and/or reject my children.

thursday 13: week 19

thirteen things that have nothing whatsoever to do with one another edition

1) anyone wanna go to the desert with me and get real high and visit the integratron? that's right folks, it's the only "acoustically perfect tabernacle and energy machine sited on a powerful geomagnetic vortexin the magical mojave desert" or the whole united states for that matter... looks fuuuun!

2) tasty salted pig parts anyone? if you're in san francisco and get a chance to head to the ferry building please stop into boccalone. get a salumi cone. or a panini. get something!

3) where is my corvette summer (tequila, grapefruit juice, lime juice & tonic)?

4) i've been sick for a week but managed not to miss a run. thanks to my komodosport vibrams my thighs and butt are sore but NOT MY HIPS OR BACK. whoop!

5) friday parker wasn't feeling great and was complaining about going to school. i overheard lorenzo earnestly advising her to go: "how are you ever going to get a good job parker if you don't go to school!?"

6) danny is at the movies with the kids and i am here at home. ftw!

7) listen to the romance of wolves by roma di luna. fer reals ya'll.

8) watch george w. bush: the 9/11 interview if you missed it on national geographic (the link is part 1 of 3). you probably know how i feel about gwb (i'm disgustingly leftist) but this was er, more human maybe, than i'd seen from him before. found myself crying through a few parts of it, unable to imagine the weight of being IN CHARGE that first day.

9) seriously j-wow's new boobs? seriously?

10) wore those shoes to mike's wedding. LOVE.

11) my five year old can listen to any song he wants anywhere in the world, anytime. this, i tell my father, is what has changed music in the past 50 years.

12) is it fall yet? it's so difficult to work with chocolate in this weather. gah!

13) read this book review on npr and i'm totally intrigued. anyone read this?

thursday 13: week 18

thirteen awesome things about having two kids in grade school edition

1) coffee & a chocolate croissant with a friend at 8:15 AM

2) running around the track with the bad mothers club (plus sometimes amanda and heather and wine)

3) morning sex that does not require bribery of children with candy and/or tv

4) packing school lunches (seriously, i love this)

5) multi-grade gossip around the playground

6) getting in and out of the bank in 3 minutes flat because no one is begging for suckers

7) driving with the music AS LOUD AS I WANT without anyone complaining that their ears hurt

8) ironing without interruption

9) my kids can READ and WRITE ya'll!

10) coming home exhausted and satisfied with having gotten so much done in a day

11) hoarders, intervention, no reservations

12) collating and stapling things with the electric stapler

13) missing the kids makes me appreciate them a tiny bit more

yes, i think this background is working AND thursday 13: week 16

whatever the hell i feel like edition, namely

celeste is

1) celeste is leaving for seattle/port townsend in six days and is totally unprepared for the trip. we are flying. it's for our family reunion. ready for a break. deargodletitbesunny. yeahright. it'sneverfuckingsunnyinseattle.

2) celeste is letting her children eat potato chips and (bad) chocolate for lunch today and doesn't. even. care.

3) celeste is (still) in love it's been almost four years. wtf, man? where does time go? also, danny is going to school again, to be a firefighter/sar/paramedic/orsomething. he's already a successful contractor. but ya know, he's a huge underachiever.

4) celeste is very tempted to go public with the blog again. is there a way to BLOCK specific emails/ip addys?

5) celeste is really in quite in love with this song...and the random video too.

6) celeste is on her way out the door to the kitchen and will continue from there

7) celeste is apparently forgetful. hullo? it's sunday and here i am finishing this...

8) celeste is totally impressed with this download: TuneUp. if you are an itunes user, this is for you!

9) celeste is walking three days a week with mara and colleen and gonna get in shape (and make colleen cry while i'm at it). have i mentioned how important it is to have mom friends when you're a parent? WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN SEVEN YEARS AGO? this is seriously my sanity.

10) celeste is SO OVER summer. please, it is bad for mama's mental health to listen to fighting all day. also, chocolate business + summer heat in california = WAY TOO HARD.

11) celeste is so sure (tonight) that she doesn't want more babies. yes, i get a little achy around the ovaries every once in a while but all in all this freedom + awesome kid-ages thing makes me want to keep. moving. forward. have i mentioned that i love 7.5 year olds?

12) celeste is terrifically fascinated with the raising of honey bees and very lucky to have a regular at my farmers' market who brings me fresh honey ON THE FRAMES for our s&b honey caramels. :D

13) celeste is gonna go watch tv with dandan now that the kids have stopped their squealing.

thursday 13: week 15 i'm weeks and a day late edition

update edition

1) i traded in the wrangler: after 11 vaguely inconvenient and exciting years i got a newish car. that's right ladies and mike, despite having bought a 2007 subaru impreza outback sport i am still mostly not a lesbian. mostly. kids' reactions included: oh my gosh! mama, it has windows made of glass! i think the trunk is the most important part of a car...and now we have one! when can we listen to MY iPod through the stereo!?

2) i am on day six of the fancy panty experiment (aka: the no more granny panty manifesto). don't bother googling it; i made it up. after a sideways glance from danny prompted me to joke, "wha? you lookin' at mah granny panties?" i realized that erm, i've pretty much been wearing boring cotton FULL coverage undies for a while now. i'm not slipping down that slope again. ;) so far so good.

3) Parker turned SEVEN. and lost one of her top front teeth. and we took her to the snow with riley-kate. and OHMYGOD she turned SEVEN.

4) also on the parker front i've decided to take her off of wheat which has basically become off of gluten. i was allergic to wheat, eggs, and corn as a child and i've started to suspect that parker has allergies too. after three weeks gluten free her behavior has improved SO much. and since her best friend has celiac disease she's oddly excited about her new diet!

5) omg, we're going to belize in 49 days! danny, the kids, heather, judi, my dad and i will be lazing around in the sun for ten days! i haven't been on vacation since we went to sicily when parker was under two! omg! omg!

6) i went back to no-poo about two weeks ago. my hair is happier.

7) omg, go see black swan.

8)

9) jen quit. and she's being awful about it. i guess we aren't friends any more. she unfriended me on facebook. which honestly in this day and age is the most hurtful thing you can do to a person.

10) bone scan, EKG, ECHO, mri mammogram in the next two weeks. yay for new Rx of xanax. results to follow.

11) did someone say it's almost my biiiirrrrthday? why YES. it's my favorite holiday of the year. unfortunately it falls on superbowl sunday. AGAIN.

12) i signed up for the new safeway savings program "just for u." basically you can "clip" coupons online and they go on your club card. these are above and beyond the club card savings you find in store. today i spent $91.29 and saved $51.16 with my club card and an additional $14.01 with jfu. plus they gave me free eggs for signing up. not too shabby.

13) sadly, i did not do THIS well

thursday 13: week 14 oh yeah, and it's also thursday

random crap edition

1) we're going to d's grandparent's cabin in mammoth next week. finally a little vacation time!

2) d is working in a very famous quarterback's house this week.

3) i got that new flat iron i've been needing. TWO in fact. thanks colleen!

4) miss p starts school a week from monday. hell-o, who is this first grader? and also, thank god we can get back into the school routine. i am SO ready for it (see #5).

5) parker and lorenzo are at terribly conflicting ages. if i have to listen to ONE MORE shrieking argument wherein parker tries to dominate lorenzo and lorenzo resisting by screaming like he's being murdered i will knock their ever-loving heads together.

6) stick bug babies! they're teeny teeny tiny!

7) reed's extra ginger brew + rum = yum

8) snake & butterfly is getting a website makeover thanks to one of jen's friends who is donating his photography skills. i can't wait to upload them all!

9) snake & butterfly was accepted into whole food's market! holy crap. we're starting in three stores and will be able to expand once we can prove that we can keep up with the demand.

10) we're going to belize in january. omg. a real vacation with chocolate business-y excursions. this will be getting it's own blog post(s).

11) d2 is here for the weekend but not moving back, at least for now. :( he's starting his second year of school in san diego this weekend. step-parenting is hard. especially when he's so far away. the four of us miss him like crazy when he isn't here.

12) yes, i watch jersey shore. so sue me.

13) pasta pomodoro sucks.

thursday 13: week 13

celeste is

edition

1) celeste is a little high on nail polish remover.

2) celeste is wholeheartedly against engagement rings. but not wedding rings. for herself. not you.

3) celeste is happy to have some mom friends for the first time ever. funny, sarcastic, don't-take-themselves-too-seriously mom friends. *waves to colleen and mara*

4) celeste is planning on having so much money in 2011 that she won't even know what to do with it all.

5) celeste is highly motivated. but sometimes at inopportune moments. and sometimes not at all.

6) celeste is 'when there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire!' with cellos now!

7) celeste is desperately in need of a new blow dryer. and flat iron. and maybe curling iron.

8) celeste is overjoyed with the in-ceiling speakers in the bedroom. they make bathing, dressing, undressing, coupling so much more.

9) celeste is true blood, not twilight.

10) celeste is so not eight years and two days ago.

11) celeste is over-caffeinated.

12) celeste is having frequent out of body experiences.

13) celeste is in little pieces in tea shops and coffee shops and wine shops and grocery stores and toy stores and all over the place.