helloooo ladies from the breastcancer.org forums!

hey ladies. i'm back and happy to answer questions. on june 2nd dr. bates is doing a liposuction procedure to get at some missed breast tissue near my armpits. i'll be documenting that before and after so you can see the results. it's been a little over two years since the mastectomy now and a year and a half since reconstruction.

 pictures and an actual update will be up tomorrow. 

aaaaaand if you're here to read about other stuff…all shit's gone to hell with BK. danny and i are planning a wedding. school's almost out. the shop is so so so busy. reminder to myself to talk about the thyroid hell. 

all things go, all things go

tomorrow is my 32nd birthday. i feel more authentic moving deeper into my 30s. and somehow, i can don't dare to look deep into this blog at the assertions i made in years past. this year will be my year of wealth. this year i'll be a better mom. this year i'll nail rory. this year i'll stop punishing myself for things. this year i'll be healthier. so in my 32nd year, let me just be less afraid of things changing. or not changing. let me be where i am.


that's not my problem

there's a reason your sister died
and I survived-
I am not good enough for liquid nitrogen
or drunken thanksgiving 
but I'm teeth stained burgundy and 
I am wet still 
for a fifty-six cent dinner
in Arizona without you

the cunt is back. OR this is what happens when you abandon a blog for six months.

yeah. 27 year old me would have given a shit that you think i'm a cunt with ugly boobs. 31 year old me doesn't.

life has gotten in the way of blogging, namely the shop. i owe the great wide web a metric buttload of pictures of my semi-relaxed foobs. and of course i'm back because the shit is about to hit the fan again with BK. tucking the childrens in bed. i'll be back. copiously. angelina jolie, if you're out there, i hope you saw my foobs before your surgery! that'd be pretty cool with me.

in short: the womb has been sealed (and signed and delivered). i miss my nipples some days still but i hope that tattoos will appease me ultimately, not tattoos of nipples. the shop is insanely busy. rory moved away to be with his girlfriend. and stopped paying child support. 

the doing & undoing: part iii, lady bits

two weeks ago i had my annual appointment with my ob/gyn. blah blah blah i'm always tired. blah blah blah i hate children and don't want any more, not even a little bit. blah blah blah bleeding hysterectomy menopause outlawing abortion/sterilization?! blah blah blah. we talked and it seems like tubal occlusion will be the best permanent birth control option for me. so next monday my copper iud (gob rest her soul, she served me well and effectively for five years) will be taken out and my essure will be put in. schweet! only downside is we have to use backup birth control for three months (but i suppose that's how most permanent birth control methods are right? like vasectomy?).

and, i failed my Pap smear. again. appears to be low-grade sil cells (squamous intraepithelial lesions), likely due to me having HPV (likely from a cheating partner who shall remain nameless. bastard. :-/ ). i have to have a colposcopy next week to make sure the cells haven't progressed further since the last test. when i told verna yesterday she said she'd refer me to a gynecological oncologist to follow me more closely, since i'm at higher risk for female cancers in general. *head/wall*