I don't get it. I know this blog only shows slices of your life, and what you're dealing with, etc. It's a little frustrating, though. You seem to do a lot of vacationing, drinking, fine food tasting, and chocolate eating (WAY more than I do, at least), but then you complain about having no money. I'm kind of at the end of feeling bad for you about that. I gave you a little fundage for veggies earlier in the year, and bought chocolate to help out when you started making it, but then seeing the blog, and the amount of money you spend on non-essentials... it's a bummer. Maybe bk feels similarly?
I'm not saying you need to be poor and miserable, but you seem to be living a pretty nice lifestyle for someone who's always saying they're out of money.
I'm glad you're happy. I'm glad you're drinking wine, eating chocolate, starting a business, and vacationing with your kids. I don't mean to sound bitchy. It's just that the lifestyle you convey on the blog, and the talk about money (or blaming bk for not supporting you enough) doesn't jive. If you wanted more than $40 to spend on Christmas presents, stop shopping at Trader Joes, taking vacations, etc. for a couple of months.
-an MDC mom
now you see, this bothers me. a lot. i'm sorry if you feel like the help you provided (that i never asked for btw) was a waste. i certainly don't want or need the help that comes with golden handcuffs.
to address your concerns case by case: if by vacationing you mean going to stay with d's grandma. yes. i've done that. for free. d pays for gas. i used to vacation when i had money when i was married. my dad sponsored our trips to washington during the last two years. if you'd like to moniter what food i buy for my family and kids too bad. i can make a good meal here at home for under $10 for all five of us. i don't buy alcohol. i don't pay to eat out. EVER. stop shopping at trader joe's? are you kidding me? this isn't whole foods. it's cheaper than safeway...and um, i don't shop at tj's anyway as it isn't a reasonable distance to ride my bike like safeway is. ben brought that bottle of wine over FROM TRADER JOE'S. i eat chocolate. i eat the ugly stuff that i couldn't sell to anyone, the new flavours we're trying out. i FUCKING sleep and breathe chocolate. so sue me. if you feel my 75% off target jeans that i got for $4.50 are splurging, that's your problem. i haven't spent a goddamn dime on myself for months. all the gifts i've gotten for loved ones have been with giftcards i had before bk left.
you want full disclosure? my half of rent and utilities is $450 a month. i spent $30/month on gas. i spend $45 on internet. medical is around $100 a month, but sometimes much higher. car insurance is another $50 a month. NONE on CLOTHES. NONE on movies or trips or babysitters or WINE or chocolate. NONE. i can support the three of us on $1000 a month in the silicon valley. this is absolutely unheard of. if bk were to give me what he owes me ON TIME and IN FULL i wouldn't be in this situation. it's called budgeting. he gives me X, i make Y grading and together i can scrape by. however, if X doesn't come, my monthly budget is screwed. go ahead, you go to work and when your boss tells you 'sorry, next week' see if it throws a wrench in your finances. if it doesn't, you aren't one of the many many millions in this country that lives paycheck to paycheck. try it.
i'm fully aware of the priveledged life i lead. i have a house and the ability to heat it. i have clothes and food. i have wonderful and emotionally/financially/spiritually generous friends and family. but i work fucking hard. i take care of these kids 24 hours a day (minus 3 - 10 a WEEK when he chooses to take them). i work two jobs aside from that.
i am extremely bothered by the idea that poor people aren't allowed to decide how to spend and budget for themselves without judgement. i have a cup of coffee every morning here at home. i make it in my french press. over the course of a month, maybe it adds $12 to my budget. but you know what? you don't get to tell me that that isn't okay. maybe you think the $12 would be better spent somewhere else but you don't have a say. no one does. it's a priveledged way of thinking and i used to feel the same. i'm not smoking crack. i'm not spending my child support on booze and parties, i'm living.
none of this even begins to touch upon the responsibilty that bk has given up. he has contributed $1000 in the last year and a half to help with the kids. i've had the kids 95% of the time. last week i asked if he could take the kids 2 days a week so that i could get another part time job. he can't or won't. whatever.
and $40 is plenty to give my children a happy holiday. don't worry about us.
furthermore, i never asked you to feel bad for me/us. i'd prefer you don't in fact. this is my life. more good has come of it than bad. the blog has never been about garnering support from people who don't really know me. i write, it's what i do. it's helped me through bad times and it's allowed me to share the great wealth of joy that i've accidentally stumbled upon. if you'd like your money back (for everything but the chocolate) please send me a private email with your address and i'd be happy to send it to you just as soon as i can. seriously. i don't want it and i won't ask questions.
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