the one where you could knock me over with a feather

so yeah, no child support, or rather, $60 in cash which is far less than what i'm owed. i wasn't surprised. i wasn't emotional. just really really broke again. $40 to my name a week before christmas and i haven't even bought a single present for the kids. unfortunately i won't get paid by the school district until after the first of the year. i can't explain exactly how it feels because lately it just feels normal. this is what i've come to expect of him and i can't remember a time anymore when i would notice that i need some clothes and just go get them without planning or putting it on my (almost maxed out) credit card. funny what you can get used to.