so wow, i'm really something or other... last night i briefly considered turning off the comments on the blog or shutting it down altogether. ultimately i decided not to do either one, for several reasons. i love blogging. my reasons aren't entirely altruistic; if they were i'd just keep a handwritten journal. i've tried that in the past and it's never lasted for more than a few months. but this i have deluded myself into believing matters. this has affected other people, affirmed my belief that we don't exist alone in this world, and other sappy cliches that you couldn't care less about.
as evidenced by the multitude of comments yesterday, i'm not entirely wrong to assume that there is something compelling about my life or at least how i write about it. it bears repeating that when i really undertook this blogging thing in earnest (uh, two-ish years ago), when it became more than just a way to share pictures with my distant family and friends, i came to a point when i had to decide just how much i would share. obviously, i decided to put most of it out there. the only things that i've censored have been things that a) fall under category 'other people's privacy' b) my sex life (namely because my parents read the blog and probably don't want to hear about it) c) financial details & some legal info because it's seemed irrelevant up to this point. to say 'it's none of your business' would be a bit lame on my part since really, none of this is any of your business right? let's call the pleasure i derive from laying it all out there in the open reverse voyeurism or something, shall we?
my biggest frustration with blogging has been that i can't keep my computer with me all the time, with the constant soundtrack playing in the background (insert 'look after you' by the fray HERE for that big emotional part). i want to convey this life in such complete and complex ways; words never do complete justice, repeating it just thins the emotion. why weren't you there last night when he looked at me that way? why did you not flush red in the kitchen? would you have had to keep repeating to yourself 'this is real. this is real. this is real. fuck you. no. wait. yes.' and even then it still didn't seem possible? if i turn stevie wonder's 'i believe' up loud enough will you see this as a john cusack movie? if i had half of my dad's musical talent i would compose a symphony so you could hear my life reverberating like i do.
as for everything below: obviously there is nothing i can say to please everyone. and wanting to please everyone is just something i'm gonna have to get over. in the meantime, please remember that i am a human being- a real living person who is affected by the things you say...both bad and good.
as evidenced by the multitude of comments yesterday, i'm not entirely wrong to assume that there is something compelling about my life or at least how i write about it. it bears repeating that when i really undertook this blogging thing in earnest (uh, two-ish years ago), when it became more than just a way to share pictures with my distant family and friends, i came to a point when i had to decide just how much i would share. obviously, i decided to put most of it out there. the only things that i've censored have been things that a) fall under category 'other people's privacy' b) my sex life (namely because my parents read the blog and probably don't want to hear about it) c) financial details & some legal info because it's seemed irrelevant up to this point. to say 'it's none of your business' would be a bit lame on my part since really, none of this is any of your business right? let's call the pleasure i derive from laying it all out there in the open reverse voyeurism or something, shall we?
my biggest frustration with blogging has been that i can't keep my computer with me all the time, with the constant soundtrack playing in the background (insert 'look after you' by the fray HERE for that big emotional part). i want to convey this life in such complete and complex ways; words never do complete justice, repeating it just thins the emotion. why weren't you there last night when he looked at me that way? why did you not flush red in the kitchen? would you have had to keep repeating to yourself 'this is real. this is real. this is real. fuck you. no. wait. yes.' and even then it still didn't seem possible? if i turn stevie wonder's 'i believe' up loud enough will you see this as a john cusack movie? if i had half of my dad's musical talent i would compose a symphony so you could hear my life reverberating like i do.
as for everything below: obviously there is nothing i can say to please everyone. and wanting to please everyone is just something i'm gonna have to get over. in the meantime, please remember that i am a human being- a real living person who is affected by the things you say...both bad and good.