while it may look like a boring zip front sweatshirt, it is actually the sweatshirt i have been searching for. hoodless, cute gathering in the back, and POCKETS ON THE INSIDE. DRAIN POCKETS. you know, i very very very rarely shop for myself but since i found out the surgery was a 'go' i've been out every single day, at least looking. this reminds me of that nesting feeling before giving birth. i'm feeling the urge to clean and purge and prepare and be as ready as humanly possible. i started thinking about it and in a way i imagine this is what someone feels like before gender reassignment surgery (i know, bear with me). i have this odd feeling that something that has been wrong for a while is about to be righted. that this is a new chapter.
everyone on my dad's side of the family has been friends with a woman up in washington who is something of an . . . intuitive? they check in with her at major points in their lives to sort of make sure they're on the right track. all she asks is that you write down a list of specific questions for her to ruminate on, giving no background or details. my dad goes to her with big things once or twice a year. a while back he went to her about something and she said something along the lines of: 'yeah yeah yeah, we'll get to that, but there's a big fat man here with me in a chef's coat and he is insisting that i tell you to test your thermometer. i have no idea why but he says you'll know.' no, my dad hadn't sought a psychic's advice for caramel information. his question wasn't about that. but she (and the man in the coat) were right, his thermometer was way off and causing lots of bad batches of caramel. he talked to her today, asked her about a location for the shop that we've been looking at (fyi, she said 'no, this isn't the right one, lots of turmoil here. there's one with three big windows and an awning. that's the right one.'). she volunteered that i'd made the right decision about something big. that it'll be difficult but that it's the right thing. *le sigh*
i'm feeling that way too. i just got off the phone with dr. runi (breast oncologist) who told me she'd looked at my mri from yesterday. apparently there overall 'warmth', similar to my last mri. in other words, areas that lit up when they did the contrast. she's not concerned about these because they're likely benign but they're areas that i assume would be followed and checked as i age. (
IF I WAS KEEPING THESE SAGGY OLD BREASTS, WHICH I'M NOT.)
hotspots are areas with increased blood flow - tumors get extra blood but injuries and hormone changes cause hotspots too i guess. in any case, i'll be very curious to see if there's anything precancerous in there once they send them (mah boobs) to the lab.
