right side
i somehow haven't considered until just now, uploading this photo, that these breasts are going to be gone soon. there will be breasts, but not these breasts that fed my children for so long. they've never been particularly important to me in terms of how i identify myself. i was flat in middle school and high school. then i got cancer. there was a lump in one at one point during chemo and since stanford is a teaching hospital, several med students joined my oncologist and nurse practitioner in feeling me up. i remember lying topless, dissociated, with chains on my wrists for some procedure that related to preparing my radiation blocks. radiation killed virtually all sensation i had in my breasts before i ever really got to enjoy them. when i was 19 i got that tattoo between my breasts (somehow that hurt like hell) and over my original tumor to remind me to stay balanced. then, i got pregnant and my breasts got huge and were suddenly very useful for quieting screamy babies. they did that for oh, five years. i liked nursing, had some struggles which were probably made easier by that lack of sensation. but going from a small B cup to a large D in a matter of months has left me lopsided and droopy. and honestly, pretty embarrassed of them. so in that sense, now that they're mine (as in not belonging in any way to my kids, or future kids which i will not be having) i'm looking forward to maybe enjoying them for once.