between the wish and the thing

no word from the ob/gyn yet this week (not surprised) but i did talk to my oncologist who took me very seriously and told me to be the squeaky wheel if i need to be. he said that if the cells are pre-cancerous (dysplasia) he'll refer me to a geneticist who can look for certain markers. if the cells are cancerous he'll refer me to a different oncologist (i was treated at the children's' hospital at stanford where the doctors don't typically see reproductive cancers).

i'm floaty and out of it and sleeping as much as possible and concentrating on as little as possible. i'm dreaming vividly and short of temper. more tomorrow.