the one where we're sort of pretending to co-parent OR welcome to the renaissance

i called bk saturday after he returned 'renzo and after i'd dropped miss p off at my dad's house. i asked him if i'd dealt with p in a way that he was comfortable. he was really unsure about everything. how we should deal now, if what we're doing is right. i told him that i'm not sure what the right thing is but that i do know my boundary is physically restraining her. that i'll send her a bit upset, crying even, but i will not use force to make her go anywhere unless it is for her health or safety. he said he'd talked to his parents (which i take to be a good thing) and that they said to do the same thing we'd do if she was misbehaving at dinner, to make her do it, or send her to her room. i understand the intent behind that advice, but it felt twisted around like a game of telephone, and i informed him that in our home, parker would never be punished for not eating, never sent to bed without dinner. her body, her choice. i told him that i think it's all about control for her, feeling like she has some say in her upsidedown life. he said she has too much control. i said i don't want to drive that control into something else, an eating disorder, hitting her brother, something worse. i said what about choice? what about the fact that i don't allow her to go to camp in a party dress and heels but i allow her to pick between two things, equally okay. which shorts do you want to wear?

i felt awful after the whole thing on saturday morning. awful that he seemed so angry at her and seems to genuinely not know why she doesn't trust him. the look in her eyes when he said 'fine, you know what, she can stay with you' was heartbreaking. how are we doing this to her? what is the right thing?

bbl, pouring chocolate.