this is going to be all over the place because so many things were brought up in the last few days. bear with me. *le sigh*
1) last night in bed, d and i were talking about his last relationship, the how and why things ended with her. i realized that i was asking a ton of questions and maybe seeming a little pry-y jealous-ish. (i doubt if d noticed, but i'm hyper aware of how i come across (jealous? bossy? controlling? unfeminine?) residual shit from those terrible six months of therapy with bk, i'd assume.) anyway, as it turns out i probably was a little pry-y, not because i'm jealous, but because i've apparently been living under a flippin' rock for the last 13 years. i don't know what a normal breakup looks like. i've never dated someone, come to the mutual agreement that things aren't working, and gone my own way. i've had this idea in my head that ALL breakups are shocking and devastating and traumatic events, not sometimes a silent acknowledgement that two people are better off apart.
r and i met right before we turned 14; he left me for another woman right before we turned 25. it's safe to say that he pretty much cornered the market on my early dating years. okay, so i justin d's hand on the way to the water fountain once in second grade; he was the first boy i was really aware of i think. and yes, i fell fully in love with matt s. when he transferred to my school from thousand oaks in 5th grade; he taught me how to swear and how to fill a diary (or two) with things like this: 02.14.1994 dear diary, a few weeks ago i told amanda who i like. she told me too, she likes yale (gingerale) and i like matt (smithsonian). i like matt. p.s. matt likes me! i carried that torch for a looong while. sure, i madly made out with will s. for the entire summer before 8th grade in my cousin's room; the boy gave me stubble burn and wrote me the loveliest gooshiest sophomore-in-high-school-from-a-very-small-town (holla to port townsend, wa) -letters. i still have those letters in a floppy yellow binder, though thankfully the make-out face went away pretty quickly. and then, i met r. things went along rather swimmingly (though i found all my old diaries and there were...insecurities? signs?)
1) last night in bed, d and i were talking about his last relationship, the how and why things ended with her. i realized that i was asking a ton of questions and maybe seeming a little pry-y jealous-ish. (i doubt if d noticed, but i'm hyper aware of how i come across (jealous? bossy? controlling? unfeminine?) residual shit from those terrible six months of therapy with bk, i'd assume.) anyway, as it turns out i probably was a little pry-y, not because i'm jealous, but because i've apparently been living under a flippin' rock for the last 13 years. i don't know what a normal breakup looks like. i've never dated someone, come to the mutual agreement that things aren't working, and gone my own way. i've had this idea in my head that ALL breakups are shocking and devastating and traumatic events, not sometimes a silent acknowledgement that two people are better off apart.
r and i met right before we turned 14; he left me for another woman right before we turned 25. it's safe to say that he pretty much cornered the market on my early dating years. okay, so i justin d's hand on the way to the water fountain once in second grade; he was the first boy i was really aware of i think. and yes, i fell fully in love with matt s. when he transferred to my school from thousand oaks in 5th grade; he taught me how to swear and how to fill a diary (or two) with things like this: 02.14.1994 dear diary, a few weeks ago i told amanda who i like. she told me too, she likes yale (gingerale) and i like matt (smithsonian). i like matt. p.s. matt likes me! i carried that torch for a looong while. sure, i madly made out with will s. for the entire summer before 8th grade in my cousin's room; the boy gave me stubble burn and wrote me the loveliest gooshiest sophomore-in-high-school-from-a-very-small-town (holla to port townsend, wa) -letters. i still have those letters in a floppy yellow binder, though thankfully the make-out face went away pretty quickly. and then, i met r. things went along rather swimmingly (though i found all my old diaries and there were...insecurities? signs?)