parker has been having a really hard past couple of days. she had a serious melt down last night and after crying hysterically and throwing herself around for about 10 minutes (on the auspices of wanting to watch a movie) she finally came out with it. "why does my daddy always cancel? i miss my daddy. i want my daddy. why does he keep saying he's going to come and then he changeses his mind? why does he cancel so much? i miss my daddy." and on and on until she literally fell asleep mid-sentence.
this evening bk called at 5.00 to tell me that he'd be here to get the kids in 30 to 40 minutes. he got here at 6.20. he walked in and my mom and d and his friend (who came to visit from humbolt) and i were sitting around chatting. awkward - for him. parker had already decided that she didn't want to go with him (no explanation other than that she wanted "some mama time") and she immediately started crying when he said that it was time to go. i told her she could stay with me if she wanted to. she waffled and bk kept giving me nasty looks. he was rough with the kids, pulling 'renzo by the waistband of his pants and being pissy with parker about not wanting to go. she was very upset. ultimately she decided to stay with me and he started to leave with just 'renzo. about the time they got to the car (25 yards from my front door) 'renzo started screaming because he realized parker and i weren't coming. "mamamamama." bk got tears in his eyes and brought lorenzo back to me. a year ago i would have felt sorry for him and thought he was crying tears of regret. regret for messing up, for letting his kids down, for having all his priorities all out of wack. now i know he was crying because he was feeling sorry for himself and embarrassed because the kids made him look bad in front of people he doesn't know. it made me a teeny bit sad. i wish he'd just get it together already, but i'm not sure he's capable.
this evening bk called at 5.00 to tell me that he'd be here to get the kids in 30 to 40 minutes. he got here at 6.20. he walked in and my mom and d and his friend (who came to visit from humbolt) and i were sitting around chatting. awkward - for him. parker had already decided that she didn't want to go with him (no explanation other than that she wanted "some mama time") and she immediately started crying when he said that it was time to go. i told her she could stay with me if she wanted to. she waffled and bk kept giving me nasty looks. he was rough with the kids, pulling 'renzo by the waistband of his pants and being pissy with parker about not wanting to go. she was very upset. ultimately she decided to stay with me and he started to leave with just 'renzo. about the time they got to the car (25 yards from my front door) 'renzo started screaming because he realized parker and i weren't coming. "mamamamama." bk got tears in his eyes and brought lorenzo back to me. a year ago i would have felt sorry for him and thought he was crying tears of regret. regret for messing up, for letting his kids down, for having all his priorities all out of wack. now i know he was crying because he was feeling sorry for himself and embarrassed because the kids made him look bad in front of people he doesn't know. it made me a teeny bit sad. i wish he'd just get it together already, but i'm not sure he's capable.