you asked what was the worst of all the worst parts and i found that endearing and a little bit strange. i'm less frantic than other women my age, you'll see. and i wish you were awake to find me here, alone with gary jules, sleep will have to do.
looking back at what i was thinking, the space that i was in then...it's so different now, i don't recognise my own panic, my own desire to hold things together and clean. things got so messy during the past year and i'm no more clear on where i'm going though i've got some clues as to where i'm not going. the further i've come the more i've felt the need to honor that person that i was, to grieve for her because i cannot grieve for him anymore and i don't want to go through life like i'm living inside of a pinball machine or the pathetic manipulator of tired metaphors as it turns out. :/
looking back at what i was thinking, the space that i was in then...it's so different now, i don't recognise my own panic, my own desire to hold things together and clean. things got so messy during the past year and i'm no more clear on where i'm going though i've got some clues as to where i'm not going. the further i've come the more i've felt the need to honor that person that i was, to grieve for her because i cannot grieve for him anymore and i don't want to go through life like i'm living inside of a pinball machine or the pathetic manipulator of tired metaphors as it turns out. :/
one year
one year since you left
the bathroom is still half-painted
very little goes to waste
i'm not sure whose arms
i'm creeping into these days
(c) celeste mylastname 2007