because somehow it is easier to eat chocolate and talk about philosophy and history and religiosity and birth and death and growth and how things change but don't really ever change and the way that different people would deal with broken necks and how family is family and he may smoke me running but there's no way in hell he'll get up the first time on a surfboard that short and the eleventy-seven things we'll work on next time and how we were at that same dave matthews concert at candlestick when he played with macy gray and the sound was shitty and are we talking the general "you" or the me "you" and i guess it can be both and then you realize it is okay to be your paranoid and neurotic self and think that maybe it would be cool to wallpaper one room of your house completely in poetry and some of it handwritten but would that mean you could never leave but maybe that would be okay 'cause you like it here and how maybe you weren't so happy, none of the things were deal breakers but there is a different kind of connection and intention and you're determined to find it and how that one time at band camp, no, that's not mine, and how that one time you found the missing hammer in the couch cushions and something about thanksgiving and a hammer and garbage bags and someone needing stitches and it is over 90 degrees but you have to paint your fence kelly moore oxford brown even if you hate that color and well, as long as lorenzo is asleep maybe you should just go clean the bathroom and so you did and now maybe you're just a teensy bit woozy.
what can i do with my happiness? how can i keep it, conceal it, bury it where i may never lose it? i want to kneel as it falls over me like rain, gather it up with lace and silk, and press it over myself again. -anais nin