r came over for dinner tonight, played with p and the four of us went swimming. i don't alter my mode when he is over. i don't expect him to help out and he doesn't. he watched me change lorenzo's diaper a few times and never offered to do it. i fed 'renzo and when we got back from the pool i asked him to put his diaper on and then r left. it was bedtime. there was no offer to brush teeth. no offer of anything. i had to specify that he help me clean up the dinner mess. he's focused on parker, has little time for mr. baby. he invited p to go pick up our sushi and when she declined he asked 'renz if he wanted to go. 'renz bounced a happy reply and then r decided it would be too hard to carry the food and the baby. *scratches head* how in the hell does he think i manage? he took off early because he has a cold, knowing full well that the kids and i do too. he needs his rest; i apparently, not so much.
we did settle these matters (in regards to the settlement/custody) :
1) on even years i will claim parker as a dependant and he will claim lorenzo. on odd years i will claim lorenzo and he will claim parker.
2) he will be giving me my jeep back (which is paid off and was a gift to me from my grandparents). i will be giving him the ford and he will take care of taking my name off the loan.
3) he will take care of getting me a gas card that he will pay for.
4) we will each contribute to college funds for the kids, starting this year. fixed amount will be determined soon.
5) braces will be paid for by both of us. if he is making more than me at that time, he'll pay for a larger portion and visa versa. in other words it will be % based. same for after school activities.
6) if there is a matter that we cannot agree on we will first see our therapist to see if we can work through it. if lawyers must become involved he will pay for my legal fees if he brings a suit against me. if i bring a suit against him, i will pay for my legal fees only.
7) holidays and birthdays will take precedence over visitation schedules. if his birthday falls on a day when he wouldn't ordinarily see them, he can see the kids anyway. likewise if my birthday falls on a visit day, the visit may be cancelled.
8) if he is more than 15 minutes late for a visit (without notice) the visit is canceled. if the plans change by more than an hour, i can refuse.
9) i have first right of refusal if he chooses to not take the kids during his visitation.
inch by inch we're getting there. and i'm back down off the ceiling regarding him trying to take the kids. not a chance.
we did settle these matters (in regards to the settlement/custody) :
1) on even years i will claim parker as a dependant and he will claim lorenzo. on odd years i will claim lorenzo and he will claim parker.
2) he will be giving me my jeep back (which is paid off and was a gift to me from my grandparents). i will be giving him the ford and he will take care of taking my name off the loan.
3) he will take care of getting me a gas card that he will pay for.
4) we will each contribute to college funds for the kids, starting this year. fixed amount will be determined soon.
5) braces will be paid for by both of us. if he is making more than me at that time, he'll pay for a larger portion and visa versa. in other words it will be % based. same for after school activities.
6) if there is a matter that we cannot agree on we will first see our therapist to see if we can work through it. if lawyers must become involved he will pay for my legal fees if he brings a suit against me. if i bring a suit against him, i will pay for my legal fees only.
7) holidays and birthdays will take precedence over visitation schedules. if his birthday falls on a day when he wouldn't ordinarily see them, he can see the kids anyway. likewise if my birthday falls on a visit day, the visit may be cancelled.
8) if he is more than 15 minutes late for a visit (without notice) the visit is canceled. if the plans change by more than an hour, i can refuse.
9) i have first right of refusal if he chooses to not take the kids during his visitation.
inch by inch we're getting there. and i'm back down off the ceiling regarding him trying to take the kids. not a chance.