today at 3.15 i got the following text message from r: "i want to take renz from 5 to 7 tonight 4 dinner." no call. no discussion. nothing. i called him and asked what was going on. "i'm going over to some friends' house for dinner and i'd like to bring lorenzo with me so they can meet him." um, i don't know if i'm comfortable with that. you gave me no warning, i haven't pumped any milk. at this point he got rather aggressive: "they're my kids too! i have a right to see them!" i couldn't say "no." i was hysterical. i asked him to play with parker. "no." he tried to make me sound/feel crazy for objecting but his friends all drink and do coke. i asked for a compromise. take him, but not to someone's house. he let me believe that it would just be him and 'renz but the friends met him at the park. he woke mr. baby up from a nap so he could take him, knowing that it was against my wishes, saying "this kind of thing is going to come up. i'm going to have friends. there's going to be someone else in my life." he said i'm in control of everything. i control the kids. he needs more free time and he needs the kids in his life for him. but what about what's good for the kids? they're not accessories, they're people. they're not a new car you drive around and show off, they live they breathe they get scars from crap like this. i felt backed into a corner. he knew i wanted to say "no." that i meant "no." but it came down to a power struggle and he wasn't about to lose "again." he scoffed. he crossed his arms over his chest. he took the baby and boy did he show me.