the day you left i lost my husband, my partner, the father of my children and my best friend. while you may have disconnected emotionally, months or years ago, i was and am still plugged in. expecting me to be unemotional about this situation is unrealistic and unfair. i am mourning the countless things our family lost when you left. my parents, who have truly considered you a son over the years, are also feeling a loss. i believe we have more to offer our children as a unit. if that is not possible i imagine that one day i will re-partner. giving up on this marriage means accepting the likelihood that another person will help raise our children in a new household.
you are taking advantage of the kindness of our family and friends. it is not the responsibility of my mom/dad/maria/grandma/grandpa/leslie/amanda/austin/forrest or anyone else to help me raise our children. while they are (mostly) happy to help while you are unwilling or unable to help (to the degree that you used to) everyone is exhausted. these people have cleaned our house, shopped for our groceries, cooked our meals, scooped our cat litter, rocked our baby during the night, provided our daughter with emotional support and helped in countless other ways. while you may be grateful to them, you have not bothered to thank them for picking up your slack.
your immediate family has been unsupportive (or at least uncommunicative of their support) since you left. i am unclear as to what you have told them but i suspect that they don't know the extent to which you have left me holding the bag. i would appreciate their help with the kids on a more regular basis.
i am uncomfortable accepting uncompensated help from our family and friends to the extent that i have been. if i continue to need as much help as i have over the past two months i will need extra money so that i can pay someone to help me maintain the household and/or take care of the kids.
i hope that you will make personal health a priority during the coming months. this includes getting a physical, getting tested for porphyria, addressing your drinking habits, and considering individual psychotherapy.
my health is as valuable as yours. while i realize and appreciate that you are tired from working 5 to 6 days a week to support our family, i am physically and emotionally exhausted. raising the kids is a 24hour job. i don't get to rest even when i'm sick or tired. you require naps after our appointments with bob because you are emotionally drained but do not acknowledge that i am emotionally drained and have to pick up where i left off with the kids. i did not choose to be a single mom. you seem at times angry with me for the consequences of your choices (working more hours for example, not sleeping well for another). i understand that you are going through some sort of a crisis but i am finding it difficult to be sympathetic to your complaints anymore (particularly when i know you've been out to parties the night before, etc).
our children are noting everything that we're doing during this time. it is very important that we set good examples for them. that said, i am unwilling to lie to parker about where you are, what you are doing, and so on. if you aren't going to work please don't tell her that. also, i realize that it is hard to call right at 7 some nights. but calling at 7.15 or 7.30 or 8.45 is nonetheless calling late. when i tell parker that you will be calling in a few minutes and you don't, she is mad at me for lying, not at you for being late. if calling at another time, such as to say good morning, would work better please let me know. showing up to see the kids hung over (even once, even the day after your birthday) is not something i'm comfortable with.
your emotional swings are confusing and exhausting to the kids and i. i hope you can find a way to stabilize your moods or choose to visit with the kids when you are feeling more "up." i am uncomfortable with you disciplining parker. you have very little patience with her and as you are not part of most of our daily routines anymore it confuses her when you interject rules that i don't necessarily enforce.
my strength as a woman does not make you weak. i am saddened that the thing in my life that i am most proud of, birthing our son, was just "par for the course" in a long list of things that played out as a balance of power in your mind. you and i do not define masculinity and femininity in the same way. this is something we need to work on in order to raise our children effectively, married or otherwise. i never want parker to be made to feel less than feminine if she is diregards nail polish but is strong and asks for what she needs. likewise, i never want lorenzo to be made to feel less than masculine if he doesn't drive a muscle car but is vulnerable and asks for what he needs. i don't want them to judge their own worth by how well they fit into rigid gender roles.
you are taking advantage of the kindness of our family and friends. it is not the responsibility of my mom/dad/maria/grandma/grandpa/leslie/amanda/austin/forrest or anyone else to help me raise our children. while they are (mostly) happy to help while you are unwilling or unable to help (to the degree that you used to) everyone is exhausted. these people have cleaned our house, shopped for our groceries, cooked our meals, scooped our cat litter, rocked our baby during the night, provided our daughter with emotional support and helped in countless other ways. while you may be grateful to them, you have not bothered to thank them for picking up your slack.
your immediate family has been unsupportive (or at least uncommunicative of their support) since you left. i am unclear as to what you have told them but i suspect that they don't know the extent to which you have left me holding the bag. i would appreciate their help with the kids on a more regular basis.
i am uncomfortable accepting uncompensated help from our family and friends to the extent that i have been. if i continue to need as much help as i have over the past two months i will need extra money so that i can pay someone to help me maintain the household and/or take care of the kids.
i hope that you will make personal health a priority during the coming months. this includes getting a physical, getting tested for porphyria, addressing your drinking habits, and considering individual psychotherapy.
my health is as valuable as yours. while i realize and appreciate that you are tired from working 5 to 6 days a week to support our family, i am physically and emotionally exhausted. raising the kids is a 24hour job. i don't get to rest even when i'm sick or tired. you require naps after our appointments with bob because you are emotionally drained but do not acknowledge that i am emotionally drained and have to pick up where i left off with the kids. i did not choose to be a single mom. you seem at times angry with me for the consequences of your choices (working more hours for example, not sleeping well for another). i understand that you are going through some sort of a crisis but i am finding it difficult to be sympathetic to your complaints anymore (particularly when i know you've been out to parties the night before, etc).
our children are noting everything that we're doing during this time. it is very important that we set good examples for them. that said, i am unwilling to lie to parker about where you are, what you are doing, and so on. if you aren't going to work please don't tell her that. also, i realize that it is hard to call right at 7 some nights. but calling at 7.15 or 7.30 or 8.45 is nonetheless calling late. when i tell parker that you will be calling in a few minutes and you don't, she is mad at me for lying, not at you for being late. if calling at another time, such as to say good morning, would work better please let me know. showing up to see the kids hung over (even once, even the day after your birthday) is not something i'm comfortable with.
your emotional swings are confusing and exhausting to the kids and i. i hope you can find a way to stabilize your moods or choose to visit with the kids when you are feeling more "up." i am uncomfortable with you disciplining parker. you have very little patience with her and as you are not part of most of our daily routines anymore it confuses her when you interject rules that i don't necessarily enforce.
my strength as a woman does not make you weak. i am saddened that the thing in my life that i am most proud of, birthing our son, was just "par for the course" in a long list of things that played out as a balance of power in your mind. you and i do not define masculinity and femininity in the same way. this is something we need to work on in order to raise our children effectively, married or otherwise. i never want parker to be made to feel less than feminine if she is diregards nail polish but is strong and asks for what she needs. likewise, i never want lorenzo to be made to feel less than masculine if he doesn't drive a muscle car but is vulnerable and asks for what he needs. i don't want them to judge their own worth by how well they fit into rigid gender roles.