yesterday i was driving up to san francisco and i started crying because i miss my nipples. i don't know why, all of the sudden it struck me yesterday but i realized that they're gone and i don't know where to. and any nipples i decide to have in the future (though i still am generally against it) will either be tattoos or thigh skin or made of something synthetic.
expansion #5 - done!
soooo, these are the foobs i'll have for the next 3-4 months. they're a little wonky, more up top than on the sides now... good projection. for some reason i was missing my nipples this morning. not that i regret having them taken too. just feeling a little wistful. phantom feelings, including itching, left me a bit scabbier than last week,. and boy does the bruising look gross. *le sigh*
tomorrow, unless something changes, is my last expansion. dr. bates will be overfilling so that my permanent foobs will have a nice natural droop. it's been 43 days since my mastectomy. i anticipate that i'll be getting to schedule my exchange surgery tomorrow (for about three months out). i've been having some 'mild discomfort' these past couple weeks as my muscles really start to feel the stretch. also, as i'm not in any acute pain i've apparently been sleeping well, rolling over on to my stomach in my sleep and *derp* waking up in acute pain. blerg.
5/23 - 50cc added (100cc total)
5/30 - 50cc added (150cc total)
6/8 - 75cc added (225cc total)
6/15 - 75cc added (300cc total)
6/21 - 50cc added (350cc total)
expansion #4 - 300 cc's is my magic number
ta-da! 32D's at 300 cc's! i'm happy with my size and will have just an 'over-fill' next week and then wait for things to 'settle' during the next three months. then my exchange surgery. left boob looks rounder and smugger than ever. ALB continues to be trouble. see that yellow? that's a bruise from last week's fill. nopple area pink and heal-y though right? close up of ALB. veiny, blech. well lookie there! the corners have seriously diminished and moved towards the nopple. these things DON'T QUIT. they don't change or move at all when i lay down. went to macy's to get measured. $65 bras marked down to $10 ? yes, please. amazingly comfortable and smooths out lumps and bumps under clothes. came home with three bras, two panties and a corset for $50! saved $151. schweet.
threshold
you know two days ago when i said that i hadn't experienced the tight feeling i was expecting? huh, that. i don't know if it's because dr. bates did an extra 25 cc's in each side today or because my muscles are hitting some sort of stretchy threshold but i have been experiencing that tightness since the expansion this morning. it feels like being out of breath or someone pressing down on my chest. a heaviness like right before a panic attack. i can feel the muscles stretching all the way around my back.
i think i'm getting near the size i ultimately want to be. the whole thing is a little confusing because i have chosen a teardrop-shaped gel implant (similar to the gummy bear ones). these aren't round half-cantaloupe porn boobs; they have a slight droop. they're also awesome because they can't rupture and have a real-ish feeling. in other words, what i want ultimately couldn't be more dissimilar to what i've currently got. so i'm not sure when to stop expanding! thoughts?
expansion #3 - fun with foobs
75 cc's added to each side today, for a total of 225 cc's. this looks surprisingly large on me (i'd estimate i'm a D cup). i'm told i have a wide sternum and narrow chest. anatomy really affects how big x cc's look from person to person. ALB is now mostly angry in the corner. this fill brought the corners out from my armpits to a more comfortable place though so while it looks wonky it feels a bit better. and the right side is smug as ever, looking roundish and show-off-y. finally getting some projection instead of just side boob. this is the closest thing to a 'bra' i can wear. no underwires and as you can see this isn't binding enough to mash down the corners. to be honest only my tightest sports bra can do that. but hey, they look pretty decent in a solid with some ruching to mask the misshapen-ness! a pattern works too!
expanders are just as uncomfortable as you'd imagine they'd be
i don't know how to fully convey how much i loathe these things and cannot wait for my nice gummy-soft foobs. as i've mentioned many times, they're rock hard. seriously, everyone in my zip code (and the three surrounding) has been forced to touch them and their mother-effing corners. it's all fine and good in the area where my boobs used to be, thanks no sensation. honestly i was expecting to feel claustrophobic with muscle/skin tightness. not so. but i'm narrow (a 32 band size) and the damn things poke together over my sternum and try to escape armpits. i swear they're burrowing towards the sunlight like gophers in the two areas where i actually have sensation! frick! also, there is no possible way to squish them towards the middle and create the excitement of cleavage that might distract from my discomfort. that means no traditional bras. lightweight sports bras are not sexy.