quick, act natural or the one where i tell you that nipples are just hype

yesterday, the kids came back from their dad's to resume our usual schedule (with us all the time, ha). i was missing them like crazy and though they're wearing me out, i'm so so glad they're home. rory is still being flexible and generally helpful, doing things like picking up from school since i still can't drive or ride a bike or walk far enough to get anywhere relevant. lorenzo is pretty distraught over the whole thing. he started crying last night when i was tucking him into bed because he was 'just so sad that your body hurts and that you have to do things that i can't do like cook me dinner. i don't want you to have to take care of us but i want to be with you and snuggle and not leave you again. i just love you so much mama and i'm sorry.' how in the hell did i get such an incredibly empathetic 5 year old? i reminded him that i did it for him and his sister so that one day we'll all be famous because they'll have the oldest mama in the whole damn world. in her classic fashion, parker rolled her eyes at 'renzo and me and our carrying on. 'i can't concentrate on my book mom.' what can i say? i find her detatchment endearing. probably because she reminds me of myself at her age: worry on the inside but show weakness under NO circumstance...

i saw dr. bates again today. (thankfully brett called and woke me up at 12:30 or i might have slept right through my appointment). my plan was to drive myself (i'm off narcotics except for a percocet and a valium at night to speed up healing) but i woke up with so much fluid buildup that my whole left side was sore. it's seriously affecting my mobility. the right side is still 'draining' too but apparently to a lesser degree. with no where for the fluid to go now that the drains are out, my body just has to absorb it; apparently that takes time. dr. bates said things are looking good but confirmed what he said on saturday that ALB was indeed mildly infected above my areola - the change of antibiotics was warranted. that said, i should be good to go for my first expansion on wednesday. i imagine it won't be much (cc wise) since he's worried about the integrity of my skin but hey, this is the beginning of the silver lining part right? yes,  there will be photos, actually i'm thinking video depending on who takes me to my appt.

i also saw dr. runi today. passed her in the hall and she asked if she could join me in my appt with bates. seriously, this is the most considerate and amazing health care i have ever received. PAMF doctors have the best bedside manners i've encountered in the past 15 years. they let me ramble on about the joys of what feels to me just like chemo brain (from the anesthesia as it turns out, can take weeks to dissipate). i even got to show off my talent of losing words by not being able to remember the word tinfoil. 'you know, that stuff that covers food that isn't saran wrap. it catches on fire in the microwave. see this is why my kids think i'm hilarious and awesome. i also can't stop saying yes to them. hey, is it cool if i hug you both right now?' oh for crap's sake, shoot me.

tomorrow i have my first day of physical therapy and i'm hopeful that the pt will be able to give me some exercises to do to alleviate the drainage pain. i'm regaining a teeny bit of sensation under the skin, a feeling of ants crawling around in there. having what feels like sharp rib pain on the left side (go figure) under my armpit when i breathe deeply; i'm assuming it's being referred from somewhere in my breasts.