my plan was to post again yesterday and then i became unconscious or something. honestly the strangest part of all this is that i cannot keep in my head for more than 5 seconds what day it is or who i saw or talked to or what i ate or wtf.
so here's what i can and cannot do 9 days, 1 hour, 35 minutes post surgery (sorry, i love that effing date duration calculator).
- i can put a load of laundry in the wash and take one out of the dryer.
- i cannot easily take a wet load of laundry out of the washer and put it in the dryer - derp!
- i cannot drive or ride my bike, i am completely reliant on other people to get me of the goddam house. ran out of cream? beg your ex-husband to pick some up for you.
- i can use my arms fairly well: up high enough to do a ponytail, straight out from my sides, but anything that involves pushing (using pec muscles) no way, nada. for some reason my right arm is way more mobile than my left. doesn't seem to be related to being right handed. hurts my right pec area. weird
- i can't vacuum. FRICK.
- i can finally go to the bathroom. thank you anesthesia and narcotics. no actually, thank you prunes, prune juice, colace, et al
- i can't fucking shower. that's right, the stupid form that the doctors gave me before the surgery said "shower away! feel awesome! be beautiful! smell good!" or something like that. and then, at discharge they're like, hell no, do not under any circumstances get any of that shit between your armpits and your belly button wet.
- i can take a very complicated bath that involves wrapping much of my torso in saran wrap, filling up the tub with about four inches of water and washing/shaving everything below my belly button and then sit in the shower seat with the sprayer thingy and wash my hair upsidedownlike and wash my pits and arms with a washcloth being careful not to get my incisions wet. and it takes an hour and fuck i'm tired.
- i can climb a short flight of stairs with a great deal of huffing and puffing.
- i can sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep.
- i can reveal my breasts to literally everyone that i have seen in the past 9 days without embarrassment. i can also coerce them into touching the weird pokey-out parts of the expanders whether they want or not.