one of my closest friends is in the very early stages of divorce with the mother of his two (very young) children. i won't be sharing any details that aren't mine to share but i will say that it's bringing up a lot of feelings for me. honestly they are easier to deal with because they aren't happening TO me but nonetheless i'm feeling sadness for the vast amounts of pain that they're going to experience now/soon or shove down deep and experience later...or never. i suspect it will be ugly in the way that all divorces (even amicable ones) are ugly and especially so because there's a certain bit of faith left in them that it won't and doesn't have to be ugly.
i don't know any person who hasn't been profoundly changed by their divorce, for better or worse. for me, as a human being, a mother, a partner i feel like most of the changes have been positive. i'm more carefree, more able to accept change, more likely to listen to and be in tune with my partner, less judgmental. that said, i'm slower to speak up for myself, terrified of even small arguments, and endlessly internal before i am willing/ready to talk about things that are bothering me. it's only been in the last six months or so that i've become sort of certain-ish that a difference of opinion with d isn't going to have him packing his shit in boxes and out the next morning with little more than a see-ya! to the kids and me. this has meant learning to balance my compulsive need to be not just a cool, smart, understanding, easy-going girlfriend but THE coolest, smartest, most understanding, most easy-going girlfriend with my deep down desire to be happy...and not a doormat. (thankfully i'm with someone who loves me deeply (right heather!? right?!) and hasn't taken advantage of these facts.)
i don't know any person who hasn't been profoundly changed by their divorce, for better or worse. for me, as a human being, a mother, a partner i feel like most of the changes have been positive. i'm more carefree, more able to accept change, more likely to listen to and be in tune with my partner, less judgmental. that said, i'm slower to speak up for myself, terrified of even small arguments, and endlessly internal before i am willing/ready to talk about things that are bothering me. it's only been in the last six months or so that i've become sort of certain-ish that a difference of opinion with d isn't going to have him packing his shit in boxes and out the next morning with little more than a see-ya! to the kids and me. this has meant learning to balance my compulsive need to be not just a cool, smart, understanding, easy-going girlfriend but THE coolest, smartest, most understanding, most easy-going girlfriend with my deep down desire to be happy...and not a doormat. (thankfully i'm with someone who loves me deeply (right heather!? right?!) and hasn't taken advantage of these facts.)
oh yeah, and perpetual navel-gazing. there's that too.