seems a lifetime ago, an impossibility, that three years (and two days) ago 'the bad thing' happened. i can put myself back in that moment but it's gotten harder to do, and there's less reason to do it now. this un-iversary was more of an 'ah, it's november 26th, is it?' than a moment of panic and realization. i still don't know why he left, if it was worth it to him, and what he sees as the future for himself and his kids. things over the last several months have been predictably up and down. he's putting the kids to bed at our house on most wednesday nights so that d and i can play tennis and have a date and taking them while i work on sundays at the market. that said, c/s is generally late, predictably so...two or three days, never more than four. he invites me to dinner with them, the four of us, like a family, but i almost always decline because it feels somehow incestuous, though it probably means nothing. right? we were never that family, a family of three and mr. baby some sort of tipping point.
i teared up a bit on thanksgiving up at nanny's house as we went around the table and said what we were thankful for. parker for 'mama,' lorenzo for 'd2', d for me and me 'for second chances.' i'm thankful this year for my children, three (one more than planned!). i'm thankful for the man sharing parenting and homelife with me, the boredom and joy of domesticity. i'm thankful for my business, most especially my partners: ben and dad and jen. i'm thankful for my family and my friends and this fantastic (hardwood floored) home. i'm thankful to find myself happy again, whole and not afraid after all this time.
i teared up a bit on thanksgiving up at nanny's house as we went around the table and said what we were thankful for. parker for 'mama,' lorenzo for 'd2', d for me and me 'for second chances.' i'm thankful this year for my children, three (one more than planned!). i'm thankful for the man sharing parenting and homelife with me, the boredom and joy of domesticity. i'm thankful for my business, most especially my partners: ben and dad and jen. i'm thankful for my family and my friends and this fantastic (hardwood floored) home. i'm thankful to find myself happy again, whole and not afraid after all this time.