ah yes, there it is. still. just beneath the anger. the throbbing rush of pain. for reasons i cannot explain getting along (as in, we are) is harder than i thought it would be. i certainly can't move backwards and i'm a bit too gunshy to move forwards without trepidation. i remember why we were always such good friends, better friends than lovers. i remember how easy he used to be to trust, how that trust was so natural that it extended to everyone around me. i'm sad that sometimes i keep quiet when i should probably speak up. that i can't remember the things i was fighting so hard against. that given a do over, it would unravel all over again.
and to be clear, i'm not looking for a do over. things happen how they happen. i'm just surprised by how much it still hurts after all this time.
and to be clear, i'm not looking for a do over. things happen how they happen. i'm just surprised by how much it still hurts after all this time.