today i packed the kids into the bike trailor and rode them up the creek trail to the library. up the big (and unnecessary) hill and down again so we could go really fast and feel the wind. i realized something aside from the fact that i'm terrifically out of shape i never did this shit when i was with bk. i never would have gotten around to doing this shit with bk. awesome important memory making shit like riding bikes to the library with the kids on a blustry tuesday afternoon in march. i think i was always waiting for something. the next stage. the next big decision. i was so caught up in the big stuff. was it always just big stuff with him?