so for whatever reason over the past week or so i've been feeling tremendously guilty in regards to bk/r. almost almost compelled to tell him i'm sorry for whatever my part in our failed marriage was. which i've been feeling like is almost everything. i was cold. i was unkind. i was bossy. i was unwilling to change. i had impossibly high standards. i never wanted to have sex. i expected him to want the same things i did. i've been having guilt dreams, not all related to r, but nonetheless dreams where things are clearly my fault and i know it and i feel like shit about it. i don't know where this stuff is coming from. thankfully, the antidote to my guilt was a text message this morning saying that the child support would be a week late. *le sigh* (shutupyourstupidface i've been working a ton and i'll be just fine.)