dear property tax collector,
thank you for finally conceding that i don't owe you any money. while you appeared at first to be a little dense, you really came through for me in the end. i'm sorry if i scared you, but i thought it was a bit ridiculous that your own website showed record of my having payed all my taxes and you couldn't access the site from your super-duper-special-government-controlled computer. in any case, it's resolved now and i hope our two paths shall never cross again.
love,
me
dear lawyer (aka the wizard of oz),
thank you for finally resolving my divorce. i am so pleased to hear that everything will be final before friday. for reals this time. pleasepleaseplease tell me that there's money left from my retainer as i did much of the legwork. honestly, the paralegal told me that i am the 'golden client' of the office when i left today. howsabout you show me just how golden i was. and after that i hope our two paths shall never cross again.cordially,
me