so the lawyers called us from the courtroom this morning and we agreed to be in court on february 20th unless we come to an agreement first. i just got off the phone with the paralegal at my lawyer's office and the document will be done and ready for me to sign tomorrow morning. r will sign it on monday and it should be final before the end of the week. in other words: no court.
i found myself crying in the car more than once today. there has been this immense build up to very moment. i'm feeling conflicted but not because my feelings for r are ambivalent. on the contrary, i am SO thrilled to be able to move forward with d (he makes me tremendously happy) and genuinely hope r is happy too. but it's odd to feel so much relief and so much failure and letdown at the same time. a marriage (typically) involves fanfare; it's flowery a divorce is so sterile and paper-y. also, i think part of me doesn't believe this is actually it; there have been a ton of hiccups along the way. i feel like celebrating and crying and apologizing and not looking back. cheers.
i found myself crying in the car more than once today. there has been this immense build up to very moment. i'm feeling conflicted but not because my feelings for r are ambivalent. on the contrary, i am SO thrilled to be able to move forward with d (he makes me tremendously happy) and genuinely hope r is happy too. but it's odd to feel so much relief and so much failure and letdown at the same time. a marriage (typically) involves fanfare; it's flowery a divorce is so sterile and paper-y. also, i think part of me doesn't believe this is actually it; there have been a ton of hiccups along the way. i feel like celebrating and crying and apologizing and not looking back. cheers.