well aside from the one hiccup yesterday morning, the launch of snakeandbutterfly.com went pretty damn swimmingly. the website will be changing (including the addition of mug shots of the three of us) over the next days, weeks, and months. we'll be adding new (look for s'mores thingies, oh dear god these are good) and a 'test kitchen' section where you can see the stuff ben's experimenting with. it'll all be for sale but in limited editions. we of course are always looking for feedback, so do tell us what you think. also, packaging will likely go through some form of transformation and by january we'd like to be in several coffee houses and at the many local farmer's markets. thank you to those that have been supporting us since the very beginning in this endeavor. you cannot believe the transformation the chocolate - and we - have undergone.
so again, feel like i've reached a milestone in healing and moving forward and actively participating in my life. ben and i went to lunch at l.b. yesterday, to see my dad while he was working. (remember this is where bk and miss bk met behind the bar...where my dad, brother, and business partner all still work). we sat in the bar section and i told ben about the night that i saw miss bk for the first time. yeah, the one where she wouldn't introduce herself to me and i bk that she was a butterface. *oops* (fwiw, i've gotten much less judgemental since then...) anyway, he left 11 days later and you all know the rest. i think ben's probably endured this story several times (never at the scene of the crime however, ooh drama) but there was something different for me about this telling - i didn't really feel that gut-wrenching, blood-freezing emotion of 'the day the bad thing happened.' suddenly, i'm over it. no more do i think of this, with a flip of my stomach, on a daily basis.
i find this experience affects me in a strange way, in the white spaces of life. it affects me only in that it doesn't affect me. the behaviors, the worries, the need to control each and every aspect of my existence no longer are a part of me. d told me a couple weeks ago about his business trip to vegas. i wandered around for two days feeling vaguely fuzzy, like something was missing. what was missing? namely the fear, the jealousy, the distrust. it took me a full 48 hours to realize that what was 'wrong' was that i wasn't feeling anything but a little bummed to be without him for four days. no 'holy fuck, he's going to sin city without me *worryworryworryyellworry*' yeah, i trust him. not to ho around. not to find something better while he's gone. not to up and walk out on something pretty damn good.
i wonder now, how long was my intuition telling me i had something to be worried about? how long did i know that i had something squiggly that required trapping and hiding away for safe keeping? it was no way to live. and again, thank you r for leaving. thank you for not suffering through mediocrity endlessly with me. thank you for being brave enough to flee. (though even now i get this tingly sensation in my chest. does the tightness mean i've stumbled close to the truth or that there's tenderness yet to be unearthed?) no, i think it's that i've can forgive him for what he did but not how he did it.
namely because of this goofy (and resilient) little person...
so again, feel like i've reached a milestone in healing and moving forward and actively participating in my life. ben and i went to lunch at l.b. yesterday, to see my dad while he was working. (remember this is where bk and miss bk met behind the bar...where my dad, brother, and business partner all still work). we sat in the bar section and i told ben about the night that i saw miss bk for the first time. yeah, the one where she wouldn't introduce herself to me and i bk that she was a butterface. *oops* (fwiw, i've gotten much less judgemental since then...) anyway, he left 11 days later and you all know the rest. i think ben's probably endured this story several times (never at the scene of the crime however, ooh drama) but there was something different for me about this telling - i didn't really feel that gut-wrenching, blood-freezing emotion of 'the day the bad thing happened.' suddenly, i'm over it. no more do i think of this, with a flip of my stomach, on a daily basis.
i find this experience affects me in a strange way, in the white spaces of life. it affects me only in that it doesn't affect me. the behaviors, the worries, the need to control each and every aspect of my existence no longer are a part of me. d told me a couple weeks ago about his business trip to vegas. i wandered around for two days feeling vaguely fuzzy, like something was missing. what was missing? namely the fear, the jealousy, the distrust. it took me a full 48 hours to realize that what was 'wrong' was that i wasn't feeling anything but a little bummed to be without him for four days. no 'holy fuck, he's going to sin city without me *worryworryworryyellworry*' yeah, i trust him. not to ho around. not to find something better while he's gone. not to up and walk out on something pretty damn good.
i wonder now, how long was my intuition telling me i had something to be worried about? how long did i know that i had something squiggly that required trapping and hiding away for safe keeping? it was no way to live. and again, thank you r for leaving. thank you for not suffering through mediocrity endlessly with me. thank you for being brave enough to flee. (though even now i get this tingly sensation in my chest. does the tightness mean i've stumbled close to the truth or that there's tenderness yet to be unearthed?) no, i think it's that i've can forgive him for what he did but not how he did it.
namely because of this goofy (and resilient) little person...