well, the good news is that we both showed up for mediation. um. and for the moment that may be the extent of the good news. he didn't finish his disclosure paperwork so we couldn't sign anything.
things got very heated when he stated that there is a problem, namely that he cannot (not with a eleventy-seven thousand dollars in credit card debt and a $2500/month apartment)and does not want to pay me. i know it doesn't cost $1400 a month to raise two kids! (don't ask how he knows this as i have raised them and used my 10k in savings to do so...) you need to get a job at night. (in other words take care of the kids all day and work all night?) i'll take the kids half the time, this is ridiculous! (right.) the mediator did a really excellent job of putting down his hollow threats of forcing me to work full time without his help for daycare, lying in court about income, and so on and so on. i did a good job of holding my ground and threatening right back. (ie, no judge in the world is going to send a breastfeeding baby to his uninvolved father's house where he is shacking up with the woman he left his wife for. go ahead and lie about your income, i'll turn us in to the irs. bah! nice new shirt by the way. oh and how was italy? i already have three jobs [namely parenting 90% of the time, the chocolate business and now grading papers too]). the mediator reminded him that he is getting off cheap. he will not fair better than this in court. and he won't. especially since he is so broke that he can't afford a good lawyer.
i may have finally gotten him to realize that by not giving me child support he is neglecting his children, depriving them of basic things like fresh food, winter coats, and the security of a not totally stressed out mom. he cried. i'm not sure if he was feeling sorry for himself or sorry because of what he's put them through.
the meeting ended well enough. we've settled the matter of the house. (i'm keeping it, that's huge.) we have another appointment in two weeks. he has a job interview with cysco for a straight job. (focus your prayers on this...it would resolve a LOT of issues or at least help us move in that direction.) we sat and talked outside for 20 minutes. i took the high road. again. i told him that i love him because he is the father of my children. i hugged him and he held on until i let go. a real sincere two armed hug. more genuine than i've gotten from him in many many months. i begged him not to let this turn us into ugly people. i reminded him that we can agree that we love our children above anything and that we don't want a battle because it will only hurt them. he cried again.
what an awful realization it must be to find that you've disrupted the equilibrium of all these people and you're no happier than you were to start. this is the first time i've felt anything close to compassion for him in a long long time. i saw a glimmer of that goof that was my best friend for 10+ years. (or maybe i just hope that that's what i saw.) *lump in throat* of course when he called tonight he was as cool as ever...
things got very heated when he stated that there is a problem, namely that he cannot (not with a eleventy-seven thousand dollars in credit card debt and a $2500/month apartment)and does not want to pay me. i know it doesn't cost $1400 a month to raise two kids! (don't ask how he knows this as i have raised them and used my 10k in savings to do so...) you need to get a job at night. (in other words take care of the kids all day and work all night?) i'll take the kids half the time, this is ridiculous! (right.) the mediator did a really excellent job of putting down his hollow threats of forcing me to work full time without his help for daycare, lying in court about income, and so on and so on. i did a good job of holding my ground and threatening right back. (ie, no judge in the world is going to send a breastfeeding baby to his uninvolved father's house where he is shacking up with the woman he left his wife for. go ahead and lie about your income, i'll turn us in to the irs. bah! nice new shirt by the way. oh and how was italy? i already have three jobs [namely parenting 90% of the time, the chocolate business and now grading papers too]). the mediator reminded him that he is getting off cheap. he will not fair better than this in court. and he won't. especially since he is so broke that he can't afford a good lawyer.
i may have finally gotten him to realize that by not giving me child support he is neglecting his children, depriving them of basic things like fresh food, winter coats, and the security of a not totally stressed out mom. he cried. i'm not sure if he was feeling sorry for himself or sorry because of what he's put them through.
the meeting ended well enough. we've settled the matter of the house. (i'm keeping it, that's huge.) we have another appointment in two weeks. he has a job interview with cysco for a straight job. (focus your prayers on this...it would resolve a LOT of issues or at least help us move in that direction.) we sat and talked outside for 20 minutes. i took the high road. again. i told him that i love him because he is the father of my children. i hugged him and he held on until i let go. a real sincere two armed hug. more genuine than i've gotten from him in many many months. i begged him not to let this turn us into ugly people. i reminded him that we can agree that we love our children above anything and that we don't want a battle because it will only hurt them. he cried again.
what an awful realization it must be to find that you've disrupted the equilibrium of all these people and you're no happier than you were to start. this is the first time i've felt anything close to compassion for him in a long long time. i saw a glimmer of that goof that was my best friend for 10+ years. (or maybe i just hope that that's what i saw.) *lump in throat* of course when he called tonight he was as cool as ever...