what i was getting at yesterday is that things are starting to come to a head again and i feel the need to change them, if only in my head. i'm planning on asking r to get in and have an appointment with bob. i want him to either step up or step aside. if he wants to participate at the level he has been for the past 8.5 months that's fine (though not desirable for any of us in my opinion) but i want him to give me legal custody. if he'd like to be more involved then he needs to be consistent and reliable. i should be able to call him when the kids are sick and say "hey, i need a hand." i'd like him to have a place for the kids to visit him so that i can have privacy in my home. of course i expect he'll say that's going to come down to money (read: if i give you the money you need i'll never be able to have a place, etc.) anyway, i'm tired of having to leave when he comes over. i just have no desire to be around him. and here, i thought i'd always miss him as a friend. funny how things change all at once. i feel like i'm on the other side of something.