doh! r's mom came down on friday morning to watch the kids because r neglected to tell her that we didn't have an appointment. i invited her to stay for a while. she played with the kids while i got some bills paid and cleaned up a bit around the house. when r got there she invited the kids and i up to the house to visit with her and stbx-fil, "have a bbq, like we used to". NO WAY. she did this right in front of him. i almost peed myself with joy. r was not included in the invitation.