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okay, now that i've got that out of the way: yesterday. hmm. yesterday i got us all unpacked and settled in. *sigh* at 2 maria came over to watch miss p while 'renzo and i went the the wic office for our monthly appointment. i saw a registered dietician because i'm a little underweight. she had me fill out a form wherein i circled foods/drinks that i consume on a regular basis (milk, bread, cereal, fruits, veggies, eggs...you get the idea). she looked at it for a moment:
HER: why do you think you're underweight?
ME: my husband left 5 months ago. i'm a single mom. i'm doing the job of 2 people. i'm stressed.
HER: well, you eat a balanced diet.
ME: yes, i do, thank you for noticing.
HER: um, do you breastfeed?
ME: yep.
HER: exclusively?
ME: yep.
HER:*long pause*
HER: you mean no formula?
ME: yep.
HER: *long pause*
HER: *smiling, she's on to something!*
HER: well that's probably why!
ME: yep.
HER: why don't you try adding some high calorie foods to your diet.
ME: *showing that i know what high-calorie, good-for-you foods are* okay, i eat a lot of avocados, peanut butter and drink whole fat milk.
HER: you should add some pudding.
ME: *silence*
HER: okay! see you next month!
r came over at about 5.30 to have dinner with the kids and i. i've been stewing for two weeks and so i suppose i wasn't in the mood for pleasantries. i may have made a comment about how i thought his new haircut looked lame (a faux-hawk with dyed black patches, light brown patches and white patches). i may have made a comment about how the way he shaved the cat (in circular stripes around her body) while we were out of town, was indicative of his judgement. of course i can't confirm this. anyway, we had dinnner and talked shop. by which of course i mean, money and custody. it was uncomfortable. i cried. i want the kids to grow up in one house. i want them on all holidays. i want them to know his family. i want enough money to do my job, ie, raise them. i don't want to hear about how he doesn't have money to buy a car. i don't care if he has to live with his parents forever. i wish i did. i think i would think of myself as a better person. but right now, i just don't care.