so friday we had our usual bob appointment wherein i cried a lot, R seemed tired or bored and bob had some very witty-thoughtful-intelligent things so say. namely that i am handling my situation gracefully and "grace counts in the end." yay me.
saturday R was supposed to be over after work (he got off at 5) to play with the kids and so that my mom and i could go to the movies (a 6.15 show). he called at six- on his way. i was upset and said so. he told me i was wrong about the time. anyway. then when he got to the house he made me feel crappy about something i was really excited about (a shirt i bought at the thrift store). he gave me one of those infamous NON-apologies and i wound up feeling pretty shitty and ugly.
so thankfully i'm flexible and since the movie was a total lost cause my mom, dad, maria and i went to this awesome vietnamese fusion restaurant (seriously, the chef was named one of the top 5 female chefs in silicon valley. GO.) my dad may have asked the owner (a very adorable asian guy) if he was married and i may have layed my head down on the table when he said "yes" because A) he was cute B) he owns a seriously fantastic retaurant and who doesn't love free food? C) he had on the COOLEST shirt that i would like to borrow and/or look at. i vaguely remember him holding my face and saying, "what was he thinking?" regarding you-know-who. it is quite possible that i tried to stab myself in the heart with a chopstick when he told us that he is a DOCTOR by day. *oy* i of course don't know any of this for sure because there was a pineapple mojito involved.
miss p called and asked me to come home around 7.45 (r said he could stay until midnight). i came home to check on things (but planned to go down to my mom's for a while). the kids were fine but he was seeming antsy. he stood and made motions to leave. i asked him if he had plans or something.
him: no.
me: are you planning on leaving right away?
him: yeah, i was.
me: oh, okay. cause i mean if you have plans or something...but i thought you would stay later.
him: well all my friends are texting me to hang out.
me: *really f-ing pissed off*
me: *silence*
him: *leaving*
me: i have to tell you i'm really mad.
him: *still leaving* yeah. i can see that.
me: i'd like to talk about it.
him: *put out*
me: i'm trying to save you from yourself and i know that isn't my job but because i love the kids and ->you<-, that's hard. the kids know that you scoot out of here the second you have the chance. it will affect them. i'm not talking about now with day-to-day stuff, i'm talking about the future.
him: *visibly pissed* things have been better with the kids the last two visits. i've made a point and i'm not worried.
me: but-
him: i don't want to talk about this, i'm leaving.
me: we need to be able to talk if we are going to raise our kids together.
him: not now.
so he left me crying and parker standing on the porch yelling :daddy mama needs you! daddy, i want you! don't go yet! he went anyway telling parker he'd play "soon". and parker reassured me: don't worry mama, daddy loves you. how can he just walk away? from her? from me? i keep feeling like there must be more to the story that i'm not aware of.
in other words saturday evening was like a filet mignon shoved between two pieces of crappy white bread.
saturday R was supposed to be over after work (he got off at 5) to play with the kids and so that my mom and i could go to the movies (a 6.15 show). he called at six- on his way. i was upset and said so. he told me i was wrong about the time. anyway. then when he got to the house he made me feel crappy about something i was really excited about (a shirt i bought at the thrift store). he gave me one of those infamous NON-apologies and i wound up feeling pretty shitty and ugly.
so thankfully i'm flexible and since the movie was a total lost cause my mom, dad, maria and i went to this awesome vietnamese fusion restaurant (seriously, the chef was named one of the top 5 female chefs in silicon valley. GO.) my dad may have asked the owner (a very adorable asian guy) if he was married and i may have layed my head down on the table when he said "yes" because A) he was cute B) he owns a seriously fantastic retaurant and who doesn't love free food? C) he had on the COOLEST shirt that i would like to borrow and/or look at. i vaguely remember him holding my face and saying, "what was he thinking?" regarding you-know-who. it is quite possible that i tried to stab myself in the heart with a chopstick when he told us that he is a DOCTOR by day. *oy* i of course don't know any of this for sure because there was a pineapple mojito involved.
miss p called and asked me to come home around 7.45 (r said he could stay until midnight). i came home to check on things (but planned to go down to my mom's for a while). the kids were fine but he was seeming antsy. he stood and made motions to leave. i asked him if he had plans or something.
him: no.
me: are you planning on leaving right away?
him: yeah, i was.
me: oh, okay. cause i mean if you have plans or something...but i thought you would stay later.
him: well all my friends are texting me to hang out.
me: *really f-ing pissed off*
me: *silence*
him: *leaving*
me: i have to tell you i'm really mad.
him: *still leaving* yeah. i can see that.
me: i'd like to talk about it.
him: *put out*
me: i'm trying to save you from yourself and i know that isn't my job but because i love the kids and ->you<-, that's hard. the kids know that you scoot out of here the second you have the chance. it will affect them. i'm not talking about now with day-to-day stuff, i'm talking about the future.
him: *visibly pissed* things have been better with the kids the last two visits. i've made a point and i'm not worried.
me: but-
him: i don't want to talk about this, i'm leaving.
me: we need to be able to talk if we are going to raise our kids together.
him: not now.
so he left me crying and parker standing on the porch yelling :daddy mama needs you! daddy, i want you! don't go yet! he went anyway telling parker he'd play "soon". and parker reassured me: don't worry mama, daddy loves you. how can he just walk away? from her? from me? i keep feeling like there must be more to the story that i'm not aware of.
in other words saturday evening was like a filet mignon shoved between two pieces of crappy white bread.