the second night we got up here i started to have really bad dreams, usually involving r and/or his parents. (one night involved lots of dead bodies but that may be because of the exhibit. ;o) i've gone through phases of bad dreams to no dreams since this whole thing started and they emotionally line up with how i'm feeling when awake. i was so panicked when he first left. my head, my heart, my stomach, throbbed. it's settled into a dull ache. i'm happy to not be where i was months ago but i want this part to pass too. i don't miss/crave him in the same way that i did so in that way things are improving. none the less, things bubble under the surface and emerge in dreams that leave me in a funk for days.