can anyone identify this spider? p found it on the porch several days ago and we caught it in her bug vac and then put it down in the yard. it has come back twice (that we've seen). dear lord, i hope it isn't a biter. *shivers*
r came over for dinner tonight. we've decided to do pizza on wednesdays since its easy and he's usually starving after he gets off of work. um, he came over and was polite, asked me how i've been, etc. i realized he wasn't in work clothes and asked him if he worked today. "no." oh. why not? "my sister was in town." this really really really upset me. i stomped around a bit and then told him that i needed to go out because i have things i want to say to you that i probably shouldn't say. "you should say them." so i did.
it must be nice to decide you're too tired to work or that you'd rather sleep in and have lunch with your sister. that must be nice. it must be nice to ignore the fact that i've been dealing with two sick kids for a week and a half while taking our daughter to therapy, running to wic meetings and then dealing with the demeaning aspects of getting "free" groceries. it must be nice to realize that you don't feel like upholding your responsibilities and walking out on them. it must be nice to tell me i'm a shitty person and that you're surprised because i'm an okay mom.
"you are a great mom."
yes, but i'm more than that. i'm unwilling to do therapy with you if it is about how crappy and ugly and selfish i am.
"i've been saying those things to protect myself. i thought that our friendship had been improving a lot in the last two weeks."
yeah. well. fuck. that. (<--kids in the room. didn't say that. but i thought it.) it has improved r. but do you know why? because i gave up. i gave in. i stopped expecting anything from you. i stopped asking you for what i need, for what i want.
so he's all mr. nice guy. hugs me because that's what it means to be a good friend. and then, an hour after he got here, after pizza and tossing miss p in the air for a few minutes, HE LEFT. because he had to do some goddamn mother-fucking laundry. because he wanted to spent some time with his sister. instead of his ever-loving children who apparently aren't fun enough, or needy enough, and can't send text messages or go out drinking, but who are ONE HALF HIM. because, ya'll know i held a gun to his pea brain and made him have sex with me so we could have another baby. because, ya'll know, i'm the selfish type that brings actual living breathing nursing shitting whining incredible HUMAN BEINGS into the world without really giving it much thought. yep. that's me folks. kiss my ever-loving ass. i think i may have re-entered the anger phase. :o/
pursing parker / behold, lorenzo the terrible as he gnaws through a bone.