ovaries before ovaries
i have surgery scheduled for october 15th - laproscopic hysterectomy (uterus + cervix) plus salpingectomy (fallopian tubes). the hope is to spare my ovaries; the warning is that with less blood flow to them, they may die off anyway.
i’m in so much pain - it feels like shattered glass in my back for much of the day. sometimes my hips burn like they did as they were forced apart during childbirth. sex is on old beach towels, with a spray bottle of hydrogen peroxide within reach. then there’s the things that bother only my ego: the wilty hair, the mushy jawline, and little belly pooch that’s dogged me for the past few months.
and yet, every other month, by my best estimation, there’s been sweet ovulation, and a throb in my chest where my nipples remember. i’m so fucking scared that will go away right as I finally have learned to turn towards it. blood on my thighs means i’m living, fucking. and barren is such a cunt of a word.