the one where i unravel myself as a navel gazing, compulsive bitch. the one where i'm a histrionic slut. the one where i acknowledge that i'm feeding the beast and i like it. the one where i can't commit. the one where i act out of fear - forever and ever. the one where i start blogging again but it's trite. the one where you point out my flaws and i'm defensive. the one where i try on your glasses and live in someone else's skin. the one where you're too self involved to notice. the one where i cop out and free associate. the one where i run away forever. the one where i fuck someone in costa rica in a bed of money. the one where my kids point out my flaws. the one where i've die before i go there. the one where i am reborn, a woman. the one where i send and receive secret messages. the one where i assign meaning to meaningless things. the one where i'm a muse. the one where i miss my old saggy tits. the one where i reimagine myself as i was at 15. the one where i snow my psychiatrist. the one where you dress me down. the one where i show up naked. the one where i'm drunk at nine am. the one where i miss somewhere i haven't been before. the one where i use old formats as a new crutch. the one where my customer service sucks. the one where i'm better than you. the one where bodies don't mean anything. the one where i cry out for you. the one where you don't notice me. the one where my life is an exercise in self control. the one where i judge you. the one where i make the right choice. the one where i can't even commit to a tense. the one where i assign value to valueless things. the one where i listen to red house painters until my ears bleed and i cease to exist. the one where there's flowers in my drink. the one where i remember it's just a body. the one where i realize it doesn't really matter. the one where i press my face against the speaker. the one where i tell a lie. the one where i eat the note you left in my purse. the one where your face burns red. the one where i'm in a room where all i feel is the cold that you left. the one where i blame you for the position i'm in. the one where i abandon symbolism forever. the one where you've already stopped reading. the one where sex is a crutch. the one where i'm the illustrated woman. the one where i dream you've beaten me senseless. the one where you bear witness. the one where i was doing fine without it. the one where i made different choices. the one where i divorce myself of all of this. the one where i shave my head. the one where everything waxes and wanes. the one where i'm only tangentially here. the one where i'm sea glass. the one where i can't even right now. the one where you paint me as i am. the one where i the one where i the one where i i i i i return to navel gazing afterall.