here is the birth story of my good friend colleen. her daughter is ms. parker's best friend. colleen gave birth to her 6th baby on 8/25. i was completely honored to be there to help. :) this rivaled the birth of my own children because i was so fully present in the experience.
I suppose the real birth story, or the prologue, at least, started back in June when my midwife dumped me. She was going to be out of town on my due date, and the fact that my pancreas had been acting up made her leery of attending the birth. I did some research about unassisted childbirth and decided to talk to some knowledgeable people about whether I was a good candidate to have an unassisted birth. I knew that geographically, things couldn't be better-- we live about 500 yards from a hospital. I talked with my friend Marlene, who is very educated about childbirth, and she was unwaveringly in support of unassisted birth. I tried to weigh the general statistics on unassisted birth against my own personal circumstances that would either mitigate or increase any risks, as well as the risks I faced by having a hospital birth. I talked to another friend, who said (and I'll never forget it), "Stop thinking like a reader of pop-culture parenting magazines, and start thinking like the educated person you are. Think, do research, and figure out the best choice for your circumstances. Think about what your risk factors are, and how they make an unassisted birth safer or less safe. Think about the very real risks that you have by choosing hospital birth. And make the best decision for YOU-- that doesn't mean it has to be a popular decision. It just has to be an educated decision." In the end, I decided that the safest and best option for our family would be to have an unassisted home waterbirth. I asked my friend Celeste, also very educated about birth, to attend. As my due date approached, it became clear that Audrey and Katie were going to miss the birth because Audrey was moving and Katie had to go back to Pennsylvania, which was disappointing, but I was confident that Chris, Connor, Celeste and I could handle things. Connor asked if he could catch the baby, and started reading more birth literature to prepare himself. We all began preparing and reading up on unassisted birth and what to do in various what-if situations. I read about the fear-pain cycle, and decided to use the hypnobabies program to try to give myself the best chance of being able to relax and handle the process. I was pretty doubtful about the hypnobabies program until I got a stomach virus a few weeks before my due date, and used the techniques to make myself feel better. After I successfully helped myself through that, I started to feel confident that I could have a peaceful birth where I felt in control of the process.
I woke up at 3am on 8/24 with bloody show and contractions about 15 minutes apart. So I walked around for a while and did some organizing, and finished up our "emergency board"-- it had my blood type, reminders to use a landline if calling 911, etc. Then I sanitized some things and updated Bethany and Melissa, because they were on the east coast and I knew they'd be awake. I took Riley-Kate to school and met Celeste there while she was dropping Parker off. Celeste and Annie and I chatted for a while and Celeste was really excited that the day had finally arrived, and I started to get really excited too. Reagan and I went home and we all carried on with the day; my contractions stayed at every fifteen minutes for most of the day. Celeste picked up Riley-Kate from school and kept her at her house until 5, and then she brought dinner for all of us and herself and Parker and Lorenzo. So Celeste started timing contractions while all of the kids made a huge racket, running around the house. Things really started picking up around then, and they went to every 8-12 minutes very quickly. At around 7 I told her to go home because I wanted to get sleep, so she decided to take Parker and Renzo to her mom's, since she knew she was coming back later. Around 10 pm I turned to Chris and said, "No, no, I'm not committed to homebirth anymore. I forgot how much it hurts." Chris answered, "That's fine, it's just that when we get to the hospital you're going to have a panic attack and start screaming. So I'm wondering if maybe you want to listen to your hypnobabies CD." So I put the hypnobabies CD on and laid down to hypnobabify myself. Almost immediately the contractions (now "birthing waves," since I was listening to hypnobabies) started coming every 5 minutes and I was able to really stay completely on top of them. I asked Chris how far apart they were and he answered, "uh, I guess an hour or something? I don't know; you haven't made a sound in an hour." He didn't even realize I was having contractions! We decided that I would touch his arm when I had a contraction so he would know, and a few minutes later he told me that they were coming every 4-6 minutes and were over a minute long and he needed to call Celeste. I was able to talk between contractions, but I needed to stay centered and have my mental light switched turned to "off." I heard Celeste in the hallway a little later, and I very quietly said that she should fill the tub and I was ready to get in. Chris seemed very, very surprised, because I still hadn't made any sounds and was still completely coherent. They lit all of the bathroom candles and filled the tub and I just said, "The CD player has to follow me and it has to be back on by the next contraction." So they moved like lightening and as soon as I was in the tub, I felt even happier. Celeste said that she had never seen someone so calm in labor and that if I hadn't told her, she wouldn't have really thought I was in labor at all. When I first got into the tub, we were all joking around between contractions, so I had to have a signal to let them know when one was starting so that they would be silent, so I started tapping the edge of the tub three times, and then I would just stay completely silent until it was over. Chris looked like an even mix of incredulous and doubtful, because usually by about 2 centimeters, I'm telling people that I'm divorcing Chris, never want any more kids, might slap someone, etc. But in between contractions, I was saying, "I am so good at this," and was thanking Chris and Celeste and Connor for helping me. Then the four of us just sat in the bathroom for a few hours, talking very quietly and laughing, and then being totally silent, and then back to talking. Around transition, I started to doubt whether I was actually very far along at all. Celeste said that she thought I was in transition, and that she could check if I wanted her to, so she did and said that she thought she could feel the head, and that maybe after breathing through a few more, I might want to push. So I breathed through a few more, and then I just naturally started pushing because it felt better. Chris and Celeste later told me that they were amazed because I literally did not make a sound during contractions until the last fifteen minutes, when I vocalized during contractions and expressed some doubt in between contractions. After about four pushes, I lost my focus a bit, and told Chris that I was sure that I wasn't really dilated, and that I didn't want to do it anymore. I was actually a little panicky because I had been so calm-- the effectiveness of the hypnosis program had scared me into believing that I wasn't really getting the baby out. So I told Chris to call 911 and take me to get an epidural. Chris and Celeste reacted perfectly-- Celeste reminded me that I had told her that I always say this right before the baby comes out, and that this was a sign. Chris asked, "Do you want to go to the hospital because you think something is WRONG, or because it HURTS?" I said, "Because it hurts and I don't WANT to do it anymore." Celeste said, "But you are almost done. You're very close," and I said, "I'm not sure that I believe you. I think you are both lying to me." Celeste started talking about how nice it would be to be in my bed with my baby soon, and I really liked that thought, but I kept saying, "I know, but I don't know how to get to the part where I'm at that part and not here." They kept repeating that I was almost done. I asked them all to pray for me during contractions, because I couldn't focus enough to even form a coherent prayer anymore. Connor got a little upset at that point, and went to the living room to, as he later told me, "cry and pull myself together." He came back after one more pushing contraction and got his gloves on and got ready. Celeste checked me again and told me that it was getting really, really close, and on the next contraction I sort of turned to the side and hugged Chris while I pushed. Chris was very instinctive in the way he was comforting me, and I still don't really understand how he knew exactly where to push on my back or how to get me to focus. He reminded me gently when to breathe, and reminded me to relax my neck, and I remember thinking briefly that he might be psychic or have magical powers or something, because I wasn't telling him what to do, but he did everything that I needed him to do, exactly when I needed him to do it. Our friend Kirk, a behavior analyst, had just commented the previous week that Chris and I can have a whole conversation across a conference room without saying anything, and that we are awesome communicators. So maybe that was it, I don't know. Celeste kept telling me that I really was almost done, and I kept saying, "I'm just not sure that I believe you!" Chris asked what he could do for me, and I screamed, "GET ME WINE!" Chris said sadly, "Oh, honey, I'm not sure we have any wine," And Celeste jumped up and said, "I BROUGHT WINE!" I remember hearing her run down the hall to get the wine as Chris and I laughed hysterically, that she had thought to bring wine. It just seemed so funny. She came back and, according to Chris, I "chugged that wine like a sorority girl during pledge week," and I immediately calmed down and was able to regain my focus. Then I gave a really good push and I felt my water break just before the head came down, and Celeste said, "OH! Your water just broke!" And I said, "Uh huh, I got that," and then I was right into the next contraction and the head was crowning. I heard Connor say in the MOST professional voice, "OK, I'm going to just apply a little gentle pressure so you don't tear...OK, the head is out; I'm going to wait for it to rotate...OK, just a little push while I put some pressure on the head, and we'll have the shoulder, and...THERE HE IS!" Then suddenly I was holding him, and I was so shocked! I hadn't been looking; my head was buried in Chris's chest, so then when I was holding him, I was confused, and I started yelling, "Connor, Connor, is this real? Is this real?" And Connor was crying and said, "It's a real baby, Mom! Look, look, he's real!" Then I repeated the same question in the same extremely loud voice to Celeste and Chris. This was the part Chris had been worried about, so Celeste went to get the suction, but she was only maybe a step away when Ronin started screaming very loudly (probably because I was still yelling "Is this real? Did this really happen?"). Everyone was crying, and I said to Connor, "You did it!" And he said, "YOU did it, Mom!" And then Connor and I just kept congratulating each other and thanking Chris and Celeste. We went to my room to deliver the placenta, and Riley Kate had been planning to cut the cord. Ror put the hat on from Bethany and Melissa, very solemnly, and then we just waited for the placenta. But when it came out, Riley Kate walked out of the room and said, "Forget it; I'm not going back in there until that thing is gone." Celeste caught the placenta as it came out-- she was already covered in blood anyway, so that didn't seem to make much difference. But Chris came into the room just as the placenta came out and said, "OH NO, you got some blood on the box spring!" Celeste and I looked at him, then looked at each other, as she stood there holding a still-pulsing placenta, covered in enough blood to look like she had just murdered someone, and burst out laughing, that that's what he would focus on at that moment. Then Katie called, and I had another good laugh, because Katie asked to talk to Celeste (I wasn't making a lot of sense because I was having some after-pains) and I heard Celeste say right away, "No, she didn't tear." That cracked me up because only Katie would know me well enough to make that the first question she would ask-- even before she asked about the baby-- because she knows that I'm terrified of needing stitches. Then Celeste held Ronin while Chris helped me shower, and they all waited till I got back to cut the cord. Connor ended up doing it. Reagan tried to put his diaper on, but then she started shaking because she was afraid she was going to kill him, so she helped me dress him instead. I turned to Connor and said, "This is the best I've felt in months, and I didn't tear! You're my hero, a real hero!" He smiled and he said, "Wow, I am a hero. I'm glad I get to be a hero to my own mom. But I was just doing my job." We had decided to do some shepherd's purse regardless of whether I bled too much or not, so Celeste prepared it for me, and I was so glad to not really need it, because it tasted like hay. I kept trying to nurse the baby to prevent blood loss, but the kids just kept touching him, so the nursing was touch and go. He was so alert-- his eyes were focused and he just kept looking around with the most studious look on his face.
Ronin's birth was definitely one of the most moving experiences of my life. I will never forget the combined feelings of success, elation, disbelief, and gratitude when I was holding him, not believing that he could possibly be real. Connor, Chris and Celeste will always have my undying thanks for their support and talent in assisting me. I felt completely comfortable, loved, supported and peaceful throughout the entire birth.