namely, because despite evidence to the contrary, i believe things with bk will change eventually. things have gone to shit again. or maybe have stayed shit? he's continued to work the bar scene along with his day job and it's continued to wreak havoc on visitation. originally, way back when, we talked about having a somewhat traditional schedule (he takes them every other weekend) but his job has made that impossible (we've done three one-night overnights in three years). for the past several months he's been taking them on wednesday nights (at our house) from 5:30 pm until d and i get home from our date night (the kids go to bed at 7 pm) and sunday mornings when i'm working the market (from 9 until around 2) but i've been informed that sundays won't work anymore because he'll be tired from working late the night before (i can fucking tell you ALL about tired). which leaves one night of visitation wherein the kids are awake for an hour and a half. what the what? this coupled with the fact that child support has been consistently late and/or 'light' is starting to grate on my last nerves. i've come to the very close to insanely screaming at him that he's an asshole and a loser and a burden, rather than a help but i don't want to believe that he is. and that's stupid.
i feel stuck because i'd like to be working more than i am; the business is so goddamn busy right now. but in order to do that i either need some help watching the kids (preferably during relatively normal working hours) or some money to put 'renzo in more preschool or pay a sitter. neither seems like a real possibility.