head south young man

you guessed! things have gone back to extremely volatile again. not sure what the hell it's all about but i am SO over it. cancelling at the last second, angrily questioning why we should give my mom $20 a week for watching the kids (instead of paying a huge sum in daycare?), speaking to me (and my mom for that matter) in condescending and pissy tones (in front of the kids). i suspect that once he realized that watching the kids more frequently wasn't going to be 'good for him' in a financial way he decided it was too much work for too little benefit.

he cancelled tuesday while i was working at the market. my mom wound up keeping the kids. he was suspicious and rude on the phone. he took them yesterday and was calling me by 7.30 asking when he could bring them home. when he DID bring them home i told him that maybe he should take the kids on saturdays instead of tuesdays. 'as long as it isn't as early as sunday mornings. i will literally die if i have to do that two mornings in a row.' 8 in the morning? really? i looked up from the counter and he said 'don't give me that dirty ass look. i still work!' and left. GAH! SERIOUSLY? really?

seriously? all the hundreds of nights that i have been woken up by kids, comforted them back to sleep? all the mornings i've gotten up when i was still tired? the barfy sheets? the NO money i got for us for 14 months? the doctors/therapists/dentists appointments, tucking ins, diaper changes, baths, meals, errands, the shuttling to and from? EVERYTHING! i have done everything! and yet, it has NO value to him. it doesn't count for anything. and he's going to be pissy and complainy and dead weightish FOREVER. and it fucking pisses me off!!!

yes, i sound like a 'really!?! with seth and amy'