okay so, it's done (or will be tomorrow-ish). i've realized over the past few days that there is not some big revelation or if there is, i haven't had it. i've come to no conclusions. or rather, i've concluded what i should conclude, but not what i have actually concluded. the right thing to say here is that i know why my marriage ended and that i know what i need to do to be sucessful if there's a next time. the right thing to say is that i'm confident in myself, my relationships, my abilities as a single/re-partnered mother. the right thing to say is that i've learned and i've changed and i'm happy and it's all been worth it. honestly, this experience has been THE single hardest thing i've ever been through in my life. i know the not right answer is that i'm going to ruin it before it ruins me. i look back at pictures of 'before', times when i thought i was happy - i was happy. was i happy? and i think 'gosh, i don't look that happy.' or maybe it's just easier to think i was unhappy. fuck, i don't know. i'm tired. more tomorrow.