for the first time ever (and my diagnosis was in 12/98) i'm going to my oncology appointment alone. [i would have told you mom but i decided you shouldn't miss a day of school. and thanks dad for watching lorenzo and shuttling parker to and from school.] the weeks leading up to my annual appointments are typically rather emotionless. even now, an hour before i head up to stanford, there's - nothing much. but, the second i walk through those doors and am hit with that particular smell that only lspch has...it's different. i'm back there: shorter, balder, thinner. it's coloring books with forrest. it's junior mints. it's high high doses of benadryl. it's all those flavors i can still taste through my lymphatic and vascular system, blood thinners thinned enough to puff out my lungs. here i go.