me: are you planning on seeing the kids on saturday?
bk: uh, yeah.
me: at what time?
bk: 11ish.
me: okay. until 4:00 like the agreement, or are you working?
bk: i don't work until five so, until like, 3:30ish.
me: i need money when you come.
bk: yeah celeste, well i need money too.
me: *calmly* does that mean you aren't going to give me any money?
bk: *indignantly* well, my rent is due and i have a lot of bills.
me: *silence*
bk: i get paid tomorrow but there isn't going to be much for you
me: i talked to the mediator. i want to go and finish this. (we have one thing to sign. if it gets put through the court dcss can attach wages more quickly. this is my motivation for finishing in mediation. and also because i'd like to ask him, in front of a third party, to sign away parental rights of lorenzo*** and give me legal custody of parker.)
bk: yeah well, i can't afford that either.
me: the mediator told me that as long as you are making monthly payments for your half they'll see us. so i'll go ahead and make an appointment. is any day in particular better for you?
bk: no.
me: morning or afternoon?
bk: midday, that way i can do it during my lunchbreak.
me: good. i'll let you know when the appointment is.
***i should clarify. i don't expect that bk would sign away parental rights. i don't really want him to (it wouldn't do me or the kids any good at this point). i'm trying to get a clearer picture on what he'd like his role to be with these kids. i figure by telling him: 'look, you play such a minimal (i mean really) role in his life, are you ready to sign away your rights?' something will happen. i want him to know that i've thought about things to that degree. that three hours every other week doesn't make him a father. ESPECIALLY since he isn't contributing financially. maybe he'll be indignant and step up. if he doesn't have a reaction, i'll pursue full custody of both kids...and if things don't change and the right person comes along, who knows?
i wish he saw them as a matched set but unfortunately he seems to see parker as partly his responsibility and 'renzo as a snotty nosed pain in the butt. case in point, he opted out of taking him tomorrow because he's sick. i refuse to punish 'renzo by sending him to someone that won't/can't care for him, especially while he's ('renz) sick. i didn't put up a fight on that one. it just isn't fair to mr. baby.
i worry that in the future the kids will feel strange about the differing role he plays in their lives (minimal with parker, almost none with 'renzo). the problem is, regardless of the legal terms there is a big difference in the way he feels about the kids and there has been since day one.
bk: uh, yeah.
me: at what time?
bk: 11ish.
me: okay. until 4:00 like the agreement, or are you working?
bk: i don't work until five so, until like, 3:30ish.
me: i need money when you come.
bk: yeah celeste, well i need money too.
me: *calmly* does that mean you aren't going to give me any money?
bk: *indignantly* well, my rent is due and i have a lot of bills.
me: *silence*
bk: i get paid tomorrow but there isn't going to be much for you
me: i talked to the mediator. i want to go and finish this. (we have one thing to sign. if it gets put through the court dcss can attach wages more quickly. this is my motivation for finishing in mediation. and also because i'd like to ask him, in front of a third party, to sign away parental rights of lorenzo*** and give me legal custody of parker.)
bk: yeah well, i can't afford that either.
me: the mediator told me that as long as you are making monthly payments for your half they'll see us. so i'll go ahead and make an appointment. is any day in particular better for you?
bk: no.
me: morning or afternoon?
bk: midday, that way i can do it during my lunchbreak.
me: good. i'll let you know when the appointment is.
***i should clarify. i don't expect that bk would sign away parental rights. i don't really want him to (it wouldn't do me or the kids any good at this point). i'm trying to get a clearer picture on what he'd like his role to be with these kids. i figure by telling him: 'look, you play such a minimal (i mean really) role in his life, are you ready to sign away your rights?' something will happen. i want him to know that i've thought about things to that degree. that three hours every other week doesn't make him a father. ESPECIALLY since he isn't contributing financially. maybe he'll be indignant and step up. if he doesn't have a reaction, i'll pursue full custody of both kids...and if things don't change and the right person comes along, who knows?
i wish he saw them as a matched set but unfortunately he seems to see parker as partly his responsibility and 'renzo as a snotty nosed pain in the butt. case in point, he opted out of taking him tomorrow because he's sick. i refuse to punish 'renzo by sending him to someone that won't/can't care for him, especially while he's ('renz) sick. i didn't put up a fight on that one. it just isn't fair to mr. baby.
i worry that in the future the kids will feel strange about the differing role he plays in their lives (minimal with parker, almost none with 'renzo). the problem is, regardless of the legal terms there is a big difference in the way he feels about the kids and there has been since day one.