when things get tight, reallytight ($) i get this overwhelming urge to collect and save things up (hoard things and gorge myself) just in case things get worse. thankfully i'm too logical and i stop myself...but the joy i get from having 75 pounds of dried beans and pasta in my pantry is probably inappropriate (costco is my a both nightmare and dream come true). part of it is the feeling, not just that i cannot count on more in the future, but that worse, someone might try and take what we already have away from us. of course i channel these obsessive thoughts into compulsive behaviors and do things like stay up until 3am and reorganize the contents of my kitchen cabinets or scrub my floors for FOUR hours which while handy, is at times exhausting and ridiculous. maybe it makes me human, more profoundly human than other humans (ha!) but what would happen if i went off of my anti-depressants and just tried to feel everything a la andrew largeman in garden state (and fwiw, this isn't an original idea but one that i lifted from someone else and i'd be happy to plagiarize but i've been grading papers and it just seems wrong)? this is what i get for majoring in psychology. with all the navel-gazing i do i should have gotten my mfa instead...
come off your battlefield. lay down your arms and surrender to me. yea lay down your arms and love me peacefully. yea. -cason/mooncan i get a yea from someone in the crowd? yes, you'll do just fine!