buzzkill is coming to get the kids for dinner in about 20 minutes (assuming he's not late and yes, he will be). i'll post the update after they've left. 'renzo is wreaking havoc and i can't sit still long enough to concentrate on coherency. *blah!*
well, only 10 minutes late, incredible!
so our appointment was at 11am yesterday. i was nervous and i got there 10 minutes early because it was important to me to be there first for some reason. i went in, talked to the really nice receptionist, got myself some water and sat on the couch and shook like a leaf. buzzkill called at about 5 to 11 and said he was on his way. m'kay? he arrived about 10 minutes late in jeans, flip flops and a polo shirt. i was dressed appropriately for the occasion.
we went in. stan (mediator) asked what we wanted to put on the agenda for the day. bk said parenting plan. i said visitation. bk said money and house stuff. i said house/car. i pulled out the parenting plan and we went over it again page by page. i was fully expecting some argument on some aspect of it. it is written so that we technically have shared legal custody (i have physical custody) but that if we disagree about something i have the final say. i am in charge of medical, school, extra-curricular, etc... i get the kids on all holidays (though he is welcome to partake as appropriate, ie, if he wants to come over christmas morning i'm not going to throw a huge hissy fit). i can cancel visitation if he is late. the only thing that was up for discussion at all was the issue of partners. since he completely disregarded our verbal agreement anyway, i decided to not fight this. i informed him how traumatic it was for parker to be caught off guard the way she was, told him i was being a grownup and not going ape-shit on him for being a sneak and a liar and a cheat andandand, and asked him to kindly inform me in the future before he dropped any bombs on the kids. i also told him i would be keeping ina apprised of anything important so that she could help prepare parker appropriately. yay me, i have integrity! we'll reassess the agreement every 2 years or at a major life change (new jobs, marriage *barfs in mouth*, moves).
next we talked about visitation. i was prepared (and terrified) for the fact that he might ask for overnights with parker. (this is going too smoothly, it must be a trick...) stan asked him what his ideal schedule would be. tuesday and wednesday from 5.00-9.30 pm. friday and saturday from 11am-4pm. i was so excited about the no overnight thing that i agreed, if it could be every other saturday. [sidebar: yesterday, a tuesday by my calculation, he shows up at 5.45. *see above agreement* after god knows how much tv (we don't own one, by choice) the kids came home at 9. p was completely bouncing off the walls wired then cried hysterically for about 10 minutes and then was more wired again. took me FORever to get them to bed and of course they didn't sleep in.] after some serious consideration *see sidebar* i called bk this afternoon and told him the 9pm thing was NOT going to work. that's their usual bedtime and p didn't fall asleep last night until 11.15 *yawn* he agreed without a fight. he's going to have them back tonight by 7.30 at the latest. it isn't about the kids and it never has been right...?
the stuff...first he didn't want anything. now he wants some of it because he's "starting a new household." that's all fine and dandy. other than my books and artwork i'm not really attached to anything. he can have the fucking silverware. i'd be just as happy to go to the thrift store and get new silverware, IF he would give me some money so that i could afford it. now since he hasn't in almost 4 MONTHS and i can't, i don't want to give him jack shit. i suspect strongly that since he and miss bk are renting a $2500/month 2 bedroom apartment (outrageous, even for this area) and since she spends $2000 for hair extensions and they stay at 4 star hotels when they go to italy and he's got another new designer t-shirt that probably cost more that the entire winter wardrobe i bought for p at the thrift store andandand they aren't eating off of paper plates or drinking their fancy wine in plastic cups. this is a high-maintenance couple. they don't need my goddamn plates. i'm sure their plates are nicer anyway! so we'll see how that conversation goes.
the money issue (which i will not get into gory details about) is the most complicated issue. *big shocker there eh?* he's pissed about how much he minimally has to give me. i'm pissed because the number was arrived at based on us both having minimum wage jobs (plus his tips). first, i don't have a job. second, i have a nursing 1 year old. the idea of me getting a full time job is insane. the idea (his) that we could swing that withOUT babysitting costs is ludacris. his earning potential (proven) is way higher than what he's making now and he's trying to jerk me around because he wants his fancy apartment and top-notch lifestyle while the kids and i live on WIC supplements and second hand everything.
we have another (hopefully final) appointment on monday the 22nd. i feel secure about the children and somewhat willing to compromise on the money issues just to be done with this. 2008 here we come!
this isn't really related but anyway. he says he can't afford carseats this month and so he's still taking mine everytime he takes the kids and now that i've started to cloth diaper renzo again he takes the diaper bag and brings me back the dirty cloth diapers when he returns the kids. ha!
7.35pm he's LATE returning the kids!!!
well, only 10 minutes late, incredible!
so our appointment was at 11am yesterday. i was nervous and i got there 10 minutes early because it was important to me to be there first for some reason. i went in, talked to the really nice receptionist, got myself some water and sat on the couch and shook like a leaf. buzzkill called at about 5 to 11 and said he was on his way. m'kay? he arrived about 10 minutes late in jeans, flip flops and a polo shirt. i was dressed appropriately for the occasion.
we went in. stan (mediator) asked what we wanted to put on the agenda for the day. bk said parenting plan. i said visitation. bk said money and house stuff. i said house/car. i pulled out the parenting plan and we went over it again page by page. i was fully expecting some argument on some aspect of it. it is written so that we technically have shared legal custody (i have physical custody) but that if we disagree about something i have the final say. i am in charge of medical, school, extra-curricular, etc... i get the kids on all holidays (though he is welcome to partake as appropriate, ie, if he wants to come over christmas morning i'm not going to throw a huge hissy fit). i can cancel visitation if he is late. the only thing that was up for discussion at all was the issue of partners. since he completely disregarded our verbal agreement anyway, i decided to not fight this. i informed him how traumatic it was for parker to be caught off guard the way she was, told him i was being a grownup and not going ape-shit on him for being a sneak and a liar and a cheat andandand, and asked him to kindly inform me in the future before he dropped any bombs on the kids. i also told him i would be keeping ina apprised of anything important so that she could help prepare parker appropriately. yay me, i have integrity! we'll reassess the agreement every 2 years or at a major life change (new jobs, marriage *barfs in mouth*, moves).
next we talked about visitation. i was prepared (and terrified) for the fact that he might ask for overnights with parker. (this is going too smoothly, it must be a trick...) stan asked him what his ideal schedule would be. tuesday and wednesday from 5.00-9.30 pm. friday and saturday from 11am-4pm. i was so excited about the no overnight thing that i agreed, if it could be every other saturday. [sidebar: yesterday, a tuesday by my calculation, he shows up at 5.45. *see above agreement* after god knows how much tv (we don't own one, by choice) the kids came home at 9. p was completely bouncing off the walls wired then cried hysterically for about 10 minutes and then was more wired again. took me FORever to get them to bed and of course they didn't sleep in.] after some serious consideration *see sidebar* i called bk this afternoon and told him the 9pm thing was NOT going to work. that's their usual bedtime and p didn't fall asleep last night until 11.15 *yawn* he agreed without a fight. he's going to have them back tonight by 7.30 at the latest. it isn't about the kids and it never has been right...?
the stuff...first he didn't want anything. now he wants some of it because he's "starting a new household." that's all fine and dandy. other than my books and artwork i'm not really attached to anything. he can have the fucking silverware. i'd be just as happy to go to the thrift store and get new silverware, IF he would give me some money so that i could afford it. now since he hasn't in almost 4 MONTHS and i can't, i don't want to give him jack shit. i suspect strongly that since he and miss bk are renting a $2500/month 2 bedroom apartment (outrageous, even for this area) and since she spends $2000 for hair extensions and they stay at 4 star hotels when they go to italy and he's got another new designer t-shirt that probably cost more that the entire winter wardrobe i bought for p at the thrift store andandand they aren't eating off of paper plates or drinking their fancy wine in plastic cups. this is a high-maintenance couple. they don't need my goddamn plates. i'm sure their plates are nicer anyway! so we'll see how that conversation goes.
the money issue (which i will not get into gory details about) is the most complicated issue. *big shocker there eh?* he's pissed about how much he minimally has to give me. i'm pissed because the number was arrived at based on us both having minimum wage jobs (plus his tips). first, i don't have a job. second, i have a nursing 1 year old. the idea of me getting a full time job is insane. the idea (his) that we could swing that withOUT babysitting costs is ludacris. his earning potential (proven) is way higher than what he's making now and he's trying to jerk me around because he wants his fancy apartment and top-notch lifestyle while the kids and i live on WIC supplements and second hand everything.
we have another (hopefully final) appointment on monday the 22nd. i feel secure about the children and somewhat willing to compromise on the money issues just to be done with this. 2008 here we come!
this isn't really related but anyway. he says he can't afford carseats this month and so he's still taking mine everytime he takes the kids and now that i've started to cloth diaper renzo again he takes the diaper bag and brings me back the dirty cloth diapers when he returns the kids. ha!
7.35pm he's LATE returning the kids!!!