yesterday morning r was supposed to come over but didn't (he was tired from work, he didn't want to get sick from the kids *yawn*). that wasn't a big shock. but for the first time i felt nothing about it. not anger. not disappointment. not surprise or sadness or relief. just, calm nothingness. p had been asking for him but when i told her he wasn't coming but that he might come on monday she didn't really react. i told her she could go over to papa vince's house and watch movies with grandma maria. m'kay mama, whatever.
i've decided (in a non decide-y way) to let p see his actions (within reason). when he calls and says he's going fishing (see, last sunday) i tell her he isn't coming, and why. when he leaves early to go have dinner with a friend, i tell her. when he does or doesn't do something and i have no explanation i tell her, mama doesn't know why. i never make disparaging remarks about him in her presence. i never tell her that he doesn't love her; i think in his noncommittal way he does love her. but i'm not making any more excuses for him. i'm not allowing myself to be the bad guy: but you said he was coming, you lied was in my immediate future i think. i don't want her heart broken and i don't want her to feel continually let down. but what would she feel at 8 or 10 or 20 when she realized the truth about the past? would that be more awful? i don't know. i just hope i'm doing the right thing. i pray that, for our kids' sake, he changes.
comments welcome.
i've decided (in a non decide-y way) to let p see his actions (within reason). when he calls and says he's going fishing (see, last sunday) i tell her he isn't coming, and why. when he leaves early to go have dinner with a friend, i tell her. when he does or doesn't do something and i have no explanation i tell her, mama doesn't know why. i never make disparaging remarks about him in her presence. i never tell her that he doesn't love her; i think in his noncommittal way he does love her. but i'm not making any more excuses for him. i'm not allowing myself to be the bad guy: but you said he was coming, you lied was in my immediate future i think. i don't want her heart broken and i don't want her to feel continually let down. but what would she feel at 8 or 10 or 20 when she realized the truth about the past? would that be more awful? i don't know. i just hope i'm doing the right thing. i pray that, for our kids' sake, he changes.
comments welcome.