being alone but not really alone is a strange thing. after having the kids with me for 65923 consecutive hours (it feels sometimes) with no real break i am so ready to be alone. but then, when i do get a break (r took them for a few hours last night) i feel depressed and lonely and pathetic-like.
i'm lonely but i don't miss the fireworks of a new relationship. i don't feel the need to get out there and power date and meet as many people as possible. what i really miss is sitting next to him (any him at this point) on the couch, one whole side of my body pressed up against his body, watching a movie and picking my nose. i thrive on comfort and constancy, not passion. i like being able to be fully me (the nose-picking me apparently) and knowing (mistakenly) that my relationship is solid enough that it can withstand it. i guess r saw this as complacency. it wasn't.
i'm lonely but i don't miss the fireworks of a new relationship. i don't feel the need to get out there and power date and meet as many people as possible. what i really miss is sitting next to him (any him at this point) on the couch, one whole side of my body pressed up against his body, watching a movie and picking my nose. i thrive on comfort and constancy, not passion. i like being able to be fully me (the nose-picking me apparently) and knowing (mistakenly) that my relationship is solid enough that it can withstand it. i guess r saw this as complacency. it wasn't.