well. this isn't where i'd hoped to be four weeks ago when he left. here, at home, by myself, getting the kidlets ready for christmas eve without their daddy. daddy had more important things to do today. like snowboarding. and drinking. and smoking clove cigarettes. *snort* how is it i still love him and want him to come home? i'm scared because i feel that we're reaching a threshold where that won't be the case anymore.