i've come to the slow decision over the last few weeks/months that i will not be having any more children in the hospital, if i can help it. while my hospital birth was not as bad as some, it certainly wasn't what i had hoped for. i was induced at 39 weeks because "the baby is big enough and you're uncomfortable." i was rolled up to L&D, given an IV (of what?), put on two fetal monitors and given Pitocin. at two centimeters my water was broken and the Pitocin was upped. i was not allowed out of the bed (or even to lay on my side) and was muscled into getting an internal monitor, narcotics, an epidural and a catheter... my labor progressed VERY quickly (no duh) and there "wasn't enough time" so i had to have an episiotomy (how deep? i have no clue...nor do i know how many stitches). my daughter was born and my OB immediately began pressing on my tummy so that i'd deliver the placenta.
after the birth i was thankfully able to breastfeed right away but was not allowed to co-sleep. it was the only night in her life that parker didn't sleep with us... i was under the impression that i had no say in anything and therefore just let everything happen to me...and my baby.
what upsets me most about all of this is that my OB knew how important it was to me to have a natural birth. i was SO uninformed as to the "reasons" i was induced and to the fact that the pain would likely be unbearable trapped in a bed. i was a first-time mom and didn't know that discomfort is a part of the end of pregnancy...NOT something justifying an induction. i mourned the end of my pregnancy like nothing else, almost from the moment she was out, and i believe it was because i gave birth well before my body was ready to let go of my daughter.
my decision to have homebirths in the future was cemented last week when at my annual exam my OB said he "didn't have me pegged as the type who would breastfeed for so long." this from a man whose wife is a ped.
so, fair warning to my family, all future births will be at home.
after the birth i was thankfully able to breastfeed right away but was not allowed to co-sleep. it was the only night in her life that parker didn't sleep with us... i was under the impression that i had no say in anything and therefore just let everything happen to me...and my baby.
what upsets me most about all of this is that my OB knew how important it was to me to have a natural birth. i was SO uninformed as to the "reasons" i was induced and to the fact that the pain would likely be unbearable trapped in a bed. i was a first-time mom and didn't know that discomfort is a part of the end of pregnancy...NOT something justifying an induction. i mourned the end of my pregnancy like nothing else, almost from the moment she was out, and i believe it was because i gave birth well before my body was ready to let go of my daughter.
my decision to have homebirths in the future was cemented last week when at my annual exam my OB said he "didn't have me pegged as the type who would breastfeed for so long." this from a man whose wife is a ped.
so, fair warning to my family, all future births will be at home.