Sitting Woman with Legs Drawn Up, 1917 Egon Schiele
mid november, about four weeks after my surgery, and when i would have been pre-menstrual if there was a menstrual to be had, things got dark. it took about a week for me to notice that the voice in my head was very loud and very close and very very mean. it caught me completely off guard and by the time i realized something was not right. i was in a place i haven’t been since parker was born. not suicidal per se, but not exactly not suicidal.
i’m quite certain that for me, depression and anxiety have always been chemical, not situational. and they have always manifested the same way, as intense shame, guilt, self-loathing, self-doubt, paranoia, and the need to control the movements of everything and everyone around me.
more later.