how is it possible that it has been almost a year already, that i've moved through panic and disbelief and numbness and hysteria and anger and anger and anger and relief and now i'm here? happy. happier than i was a year ago right before he left. and not because i was at all unhappy with the life i had or the person i was married to. i was content but passive (for all his complaining of me being controlling, i was passive to the fact that there were choices, i think). i'm poorer now, my house is messier, my kids not quite so well-coordinated but at least i have no one to blame but myself. i got us to this relatively happy and chaotic place. i figured out a way to get myself back into the world (for the first time?) and meet people and keep us from disintegrating into loneliness and self-pity.
i remember my grandma predicting last december that by this thanksgiving i'd be long over bk (still r back then - *poof*) and have someone else in my life. i think i almost vomited in my mouth when she said it (ha!) because the idea was so terrifying. maybe i had some clue as to all the things i'd have to move through to get to that place or maybe it just seemed impossible that i could love someone other than bk...how do you do that after 11 years? i don't have an answer i guess, all of this is just a blur somehow. and while it pains me greatly to say it *wink* gigi was right, except for one thing: i have lots of someone elses in my life (get your minds outta the gutter, yo).
and all he got was hurricane dolce&gabanna. woot!
i remember my grandma predicting last december that by this thanksgiving i'd be long over bk (still r back then - *poof*) and have someone else in my life. i think i almost vomited in my mouth when she said it (ha!) because the idea was so terrifying. maybe i had some clue as to all the things i'd have to move through to get to that place or maybe it just seemed impossible that i could love someone other than bk...how do you do that after 11 years? i don't have an answer i guess, all of this is just a blur somehow. and while it pains me greatly to say it *wink* gigi was right, except for one thing: i have lots of someone elses in my life (get your minds outta the gutter, yo).
and all he got was hurricane dolce&gabanna. woot!